


The Scarlet Night

by giuliagudor



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Dystopian Zootopia, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fantasy, Fiction, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mystery, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 41,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29351205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giuliagudor/pseuds/giuliagudor
Relationships: Angevine Wood/Jimena Canmore, Blayne Carver/Azyriah Smith, Blayne Carver/Cayden Marx, Jay Frazier-Matthews/Neil Stewart, Jordeyn Matthews/Irene Holmes, Jordeyn Matthews/Viktor Frazier





	1. Prologue

March 13, 2098

...It's over. We've won. Seventeen years of fighting and destruction in this goddamn war and it's finally over. One bomb is all it took. I am still astounded by the fact that 18-year-old Viktor Frazier re-created the tsar bomba. With his brains, we can overpower the entirety of Canada and South America. The power I could attain with this child is astounding and I am willing to do whatever I must to acquire it. But no one must know. No one. If they do I'll be hung or sent to stand in front of the squad...

"Do you have any explanation for what this means?"

"M-ma'am I-I can expl-" Philip Castillo stuttered. The leader of Pento (what remained of what was formerly New York) ended World War 4, which is historically proven to be the worst nuclear war the nation had ever experienced. He'd written everything that happened in the last 17 years. His most recent entry explaining how he had stolen Viktor's blueprints and built the bomb and destroying the entirety of Russia.

"You're damn right you will, or I most definitely will send you to stand in front of the squad."

"That won't be necessary Jorde," Someone walks into the room. The temperature dropped drastically even though it was well below freezing already and a figure appears leaning against the doorway. Dark shadows are cast upon him revealing a jawline as sharp as a blade and a sly smirk. His body toned and sweat dripping down his torso. His dark eyes filled with excitement and hatred, piercing every soul in the room.

"And where have you been Viktor?"

"Isn't it obvious sweetheart? I went out for a run." He strutted into the room and appeared like he owned the place chuckling with his low, seductive voice.

"If you think for one fraction of a second you can call me sweetheart and I won't attempt to hurt you up, you might want to rethink what you say," Jordeyn said with every bit of sarcasm leaking through. "But I would love if everyone could leave us be for a moment," eyeing Viktor with a smile slowly spreading across her face. The guards gave each other puzzled glances and walked out snickering.

Viktor locked the door with lust in his eyes. Jordeyn snuck up from behind and pinned him against the wall with a hunting knife at his throat. "Damnit Jordeyn. Why do you continue to-"

"Oh, so we're on a full name basis now. What happened? Got tired of me? And I thought I told you I'd hurt you if you dared to offend me again." She scoffed, rolling her eyes and chuckling darkly.

"How did I-"

"Oh please. You know what you did. And above all other things, you're 18 and I'm 16. IT'S ILLEGAL FOR GOD'S SAKE." There was a slight cough reminding them that they weren't alone. They both regained their composure and faced the leader.

"And what do you want? I know that you stole my blueprints so I'm already planning on what I'm going to do with you." And with that, he pins Jordeyn against the wall with one hand, grabs her hunters knife, and throws it at the leader's chest. "And that sir is why you don't frame me you little son of a-"

"VIKTOR. Do you realize what you've just done?"

"Does it look like I care in the slightest? This man tried framing me for a crime I didn't commit. I was on death row, Jorde. And above all the people that knew, I thought you were the one who'd understand and care."

"Viktor... Don't be like that." Jordeyn tried turning him by the shoulders so he'd face her.

"BE LIKE WHAT?" He frantically swept his hand through his lamp black hair. His equally black eyes brimming with tears, "do you know what it was like in there? All alone, cold, dark, and musty? I didn't have anyone to feel comforted by. I only thought you'd understand since you lost both of your parents at a young age. Looks like I was wrong in every possible way." He walked towards the door but not fast enough. Jordeyn ran towards the knife embedded in Castillo's chest and ripped it out of him.

"If you take another step towards the door you'll end with the same fate as Mr. Blueprint-Stealer over here. I'll make sure of it if it's the last thing I do." Viktor pivoted on his heels and glared at her. An intimidating glare strong enough, that she knew if she didn't shut her mouth at that moment he'd snap her neck right there and then no matter the consequences.


	2. Temper

It's 2099, exactly a year after Castillo's murder. No one knew who had killed him since the knife was extracted (and currently hidden under Jordeyn's mattress. She did however tell the rest of the group. Blayne, who's an 18-year-old female with pale skin, electric blue eyes, and flaming red hair, and Cayeden who's an 18-year-old male with ashy blonde hair, moss green eyes, and sun-kissed skin. And of course, there's Azyriah. The oldest of the group (Viktor's birthday is a day before). He's 19 with chocolate brown hair, hazel eyes, and golden skin.

Although none of them particularly enjoyed the story ﹣especially Azyriah since he was Jordeyn's male figure ever since her mother and father died. He broke Viktor's leg, a rib, and his arm. Thankfully, the injury wasn't bad enough to the point where he needed a boot, but he definitely couldn't try out for the school's varsity football team. Cayeden, Blayne's boyfriends of three years, tried with everything he had to hold him back, but Blayne pried them apart allowing Azyriah to do what he did best. Protect the one person who he's watched over for as long as he could remember. Jordeyn on the other hand, taunted Viktor the entire time. Asking him if he enjoyed what was happening, telling him she'll do it again if he even thought about laying a finger on a single hair.

Viktor lay in a cot with Cayeden at his side. He cleaned and wrapped his bloodied and broken leg, cleaned his face, and gave him a pair of crutches, "Hey man, I'm sorry I couldn't stop Az. I know that he helped raise Jorde, but that-"

"No. What he did was understandable. I shouldn't have done what I did no matter how much I wanted to. My parents raised me better than this. I'll change it. I don't care. No matter what you tell me I'm going to change. I need to learn how to control myself. I-" Viktor began to hyperventilate. His heart monitor raced, and a cold sweat broke out on his upper brow. Then nothing.

"Doctor! Doctor! Somebody, please help! My friend, please! He's not breathing." Doctors rushed into the room with defibrillators and an adrenaline injection.

"Three, two, one, CLEAR!" Nothing. Cayeden called the rest of the group and they came rushing in. Azyriah stared in horror, Blayne held onto Cayeden tightly and Jordeyn ran out of the room as soon as she saw what was happening. "Three, two, one, CLEAR!" Still nothing.

"Come on Vik. Don't fail on us now."

"Three, two, one, CLEAR!"

Finally. The monitor awoke again. His heart raced at first and slowly went down to a stabilized state. His breathing was labored and he managed to choke out, "Jordeyn." Azyriah raced out of the room and down the corridor when he saw someone sitting in the corner of the lobby's waiting room.

"Joredyn?" She looked up and ran into his open arms, tears streaming down her face with every labored sob.

They slowly made their way back to Viktor's room. IV's, tubes, and attached to life support. Jordeyn had never seen anyone in this state since the bombing that killed her family happened. She still remembers every detail of that day as if it just happened the day before. Flames eating the buildings and dead bodies, the scent of burnt flesh filling the senses of everyone within five miles of them. Her parents lost both of their legs and were taken into the ICU. Dragged away from them crying and screaming bloody murder. That's when she met them. Cayeden, Azyriah, and Blayne, who'd both also lost their mother figures. Although she didn't know it at the time, her parents died in surgery. The amount of blood they lost couldn't be replaced. She sat with Azyriah's arms around her and Blayne holding a sobbing Cayeden when the doctors came around the corner. "I'm sorry. We couldn't save them. But trust me when I say, they loved you more than you could know." It was as if time has stopped. No matter how many times the statement was rephrased, the outcome was the same every. Single. Time. "Miss? Miss are you alright?"

"Huh? Oh, yes. Thank you, doctor." She stumbled back to the boys paralyzed with shock and sadness trying to comprehend what had just happened in the past ninety minutes.

"It's okay. Everything's okay. Just breathe." Jordeyn felt a sharp pang in her chest and immediately collapsed howling in pain. She had more compassion for Viktor than anyone could know. The situation he was in at this moment was identical to the one she was in six years ago. Well, almost identical, since she never had any broken bones.

"V-Viktor?" She walked to his side with Azyriah's hand on her back in case she fell.

"Hey," he said lamely. He smiled showing a line of perfect teeth. Everything about him was perfect. His eyes, smile, hair, heck. Even his jerk-like attitude was perfect for Jordeyn. He was her only escape to the real world. The only person who truly showed her what the world was capable of when the human species were put into a situation that triggered their fight or flight senses. "What are you doing here? I thought you-"

"Shhh," she chuckled, "just focus on getting better," she leaned over him laying her head on his chest, and hugged him close. The sound of his heartbeat and scent of his cologne calms her nerves in a way she never thought they would.

She knew they were going to always be friends. But more? That was a discussion for another day. She never thought that it'd be possible. He's always treated her like a sibling considering Viktor always came over when they were 14. But after getting a fight with his parents and his anger issues taking over, you can just imagine what happened after (and if you can't, I won't get too graphic. Long story short, he blew their faces off).


	3. Ms. Merrit

It's been a week since Viktor's episode. His recovery wasn't as quick as anyone had anticipated, but they all decided to skip the first week of school to stay with him and make sure it didn't happen a second time. They did, however, still get homework. Azyriah was the oldest, and smartest of the group so he was the one who ended up self-teaching everyone else.

A month had now passed. Viktor was fully healed and they finally had their first day of in-person school, "what's all of your guys' schedules?" Jordeyn said. She wasn't asking but seemed to be ordering them with a reply.

"Why do you want to know? You're too young to be in any of the classes with us." Viktor interfered. Cayeden kicked his shin and that one action seemed to shut him up real quick.

"You know, that might surprise you. I have 3rd period AP History. You? Or are you too dumb to even make history?" Viktor lunged at her, but she quickly stepped to the side allowing him to fall without anyone's foot underneath him, and flicked his forehead, "love you too, buddy." Blayne took everyone's schedules, aligned them up next to each other, and assessed how their year was going to be planned out.

"Hey guys, we all have 3rd period AP History," everyone stared in shock at Cayeden (not the brightest student) in shock. He snatched his schedule and looked over it for what seemed like hours.

"But-but how? I didn't even pass history last year."

"It's called a miracle," Jordeyn retorted, "obviously something we all need if we have Ms. Merrit." Ms. Merrit was the old, cranky, lonely sixty-three-year-old United States history, and AP World history teacher. No one enjoyed her classes since they received three chapters to read a day, but she at least gave a single piece of candy to those who passed their tests with the minimum of an A-. Even the rest of the staff team hated her. She never cleaned her room, never told the students to push their chairs in, gives students a detention for beginning their homework for her class without instructions and it was supposedly study hall time, and the one thing that everyone hated her for was when she yelled at the students not to sneeze, cough, or yawn because it was distracting. Of course, when they went to another room to fill out the detention slip, the other teachers would rip up the slip and write a letter of complaint to the principal. And as if it couldn't get any more absurd, the principal wouldn't do anything because they had been childhood friends back in the 2040s, and there wasn't a district official.

They all came up with a plan to meet up during lunch to make yet another plan on how they'd all pass their classes (Blayne, Azyriah, and Viktor had all AP classes when Jordeyn and Cayeden had only AP History) since teachers hated their friendship. I mean who wouldn't? They treated each other like siblings (besides Blayne and Cayeden 'cause that'd be pretty strange) and defended each other no matter the consequences. The feeling of safety coming from the group was astounding and everything that people would wish and hope for in their future.


	4. Calculus

"Psst... Cayeden, what's the answer to six?" Calculus was never Jordeyn's strongest subject, but it was however Cayeden's. It was his third year re-taking the class because he continuously bombed his mid-term and end-of-the-year finals. He didn't study, was always taking quick pictures of his friends without their realization (he was planning on breaking into Azyriah's bedroom when he was off at basketball practice and making a mural on his wall for his birthday), and always seemed to be grounded by his parents, most likely because of his bad grades.

"How would I know? I'm not sma-"

"Cayeden Matthews. I thought I told you last year that if you talked out of turn this semester I'd give you a year's worth of detention did I not?" Everyone stared at Cayeden in shock. No one but Jordeyn knew that he was being held back in the class.

He just stared at her in shock and silence and could only muster a "y-ye-yes m-m-ma-uhhhh..."

"That's what I thought. Now please, for hopefully the final time, be. Quiet." Cayeden nodded and quickly put his head down and stared at his paper. His face was flushed and tears were slowly streaming down his face. He'd only ever been humiliated in front of the teacher by his parents, but the entire class who had some of the biggest gossipers in the school? Never did he think, that for once in his life, this would happen. He's always tried being the bigger person and a role model to the people younger than him, and he was terrified that his one chance at making his parents proud was going to be taken from him.

All around him, kids were already snickering, passing notes to each other, and pointed at him whilst laughing behind piles of stacked books. Jordeyn walked up to the front of the classroom and everyone went silent. Cayden slowly lifted his head with a flushed face and desperately wiped his tear-stained face. They all knew what was coming next and no one even dared to take a breath. She stared down every single person in that room, and she could've sworn that the teacher broke out in a cold sweat, "if I hear anyone. And I mean anyone talk about what happened in this class, I'll set my older brother on you. And yes, this does include you, Mrs. Merrit." Mrs. Merrit's breathing hitched and she let out a high-pitched squeal that Jordeyn took as an 'okay.' No one has crossed the wrong path with Jordeyn ever since her brother, Jay, joined the city guard and became top of his age group at only 18.

He was known for his ability to dominate on the battlefield and shoot down anyone within a 50-foot radius. His stealth and wisdom were another reason the teachers all respected Jordeyn and her family. About a year before Castillo's murder, there was a psychotic killer in Pento. He traveled to Blinyth more than a few times. One day he was 'sent' to Blinyth to retrieve a few items, but it was all a setup. It was Castillo's job to kill him, but at the last second, he was called to his office. He put a different guard in charge of doing the job, but someone else had gotten to the killer before he could. No one knew who it was for 7 months, but Jay came forward about it when he found out that a reward of 75,250 trading coins would be given if the executioner came forward.

No one suspected Jay of the deed since he had a fairly small group of friends despite his piercing eyes and sharp jawline, and was one of the more shy guards in his class. From that moment on, he'd remained at the top of his class despite his work in the past. But of course, none of that mattered in Pento. In Pento, all that mattered was finding a job, cooking, cleaning, and raising the children - for the ladies, and going to war - for the men. It had seemed that the city had gone back in time from the year 2020 onward, but due to presidential matters, nothing could be done about it. A woman's job in life was to raise the children and stay in the kitchen (even though that's where the knives were stashed, which doesn't exactly make sense), and the men went to war and gained money for their family - every year all the soldiers came home. They just didn't die like they used to.

Mrs. Merrit gave out a hesitant cough and motioned to the class that class was over. "The bell hasn't rung Jordey. What did you do to her?" Cayeden suppressed walking on Jordeyn's heels.

"The same thing I did to the class. Gave them a talking to and a fair warning."

"You didn't have to-"

Jordeyn spun around and shoved Cayden into an empty classroom. She locked the door, threw her bag onto a desk, and walked over to Cayden. She stared at him with emotionless eyes and slapped him across the face. Hard. "Quite honestly, you should be thankful I said anything at all. You do realize I know what your mother does to you at home while your father lies down passed out on your couch right? I know it's an ugly situation and that's why I've found a job helping the librarian stack books. So I can give you the money when I know there's enough for you to survive on your own. I understand you have Blayne, but between the two of us, she spends it all on coffee."

"Oh, believe me, I know." Cayeden chuckled.

"Then. Next time, try to be grateful. Oh yeah. And, I've already talked to your parents about it and they agreed to the six of us going out on the town for your birthday."

"Six? Jordeyn there's only five of us."

"You think I'm stupid enough not to bring my brother along?" Cayeden stared at her in shock.

"How did you manage to get the council to agree on letting him end his shift early?"

"Cayeden, I do hope that you learn to remember certain events from the past. My parents were the leaders before they... yeah, you know." She quickly turned away from him and choked down her tears. He came around her and embraced her. Her tears soaking through his clay-colored sweater.

"We better get to class before anyone suspects anything." They both let out a chuckle and a sigh and headed to their next class.


	5. Fight

"I swear to God and over my dead body I'm going to kill Mrs. Fucking-Merrit." Cayeden sneered, storming away from the lunch line holding a tray of what was hopefully spaghetti and tomato sauce. Blayne stared at Jordeyn with a questionable gaze, inspecting every bit of her face for an answer.

"Later," Jordeyn mouthed. Blayne nodded her head and ran to catch up with Cayeden. She latched herself to his arm and discreetly kissed his cheek. Everyone was walking behind but they knew he was blushing because his ears turned a vibrant shade of light red. Viktor scoffed and was silenced by Jordeyn digging her elbow into his side. She stared at him with cold, antagonizing eyes. He mocked her and was slapped across the face as a result. Before he could 'punish' her, she ran towards the lunch line.

"What's her issue?" Viktor sneered.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe, it's because you almost took full advantage of her?" Azyriah answered. Viktor stared at him with questionable eyes. "Oh, don't give me that look. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"No, no, I do. I just thought at this point you'd let it go."

"You really think I'd let it go? You almost took advantage of a 17-year-old. You can't just go around trying to kiss girls who are minors." Azyriah was trying his best to keep his cool. He really didn't appreciate all the attitude crossing Viktor's face and it was taking all of his willpower to not throw him against the wall and knock him out.

"She was at the age of consent. And I was 18 at the time. When someone's 16 and you're 18 the age difference isn't that -"

"You need to stop talking right now or I swear on your grave I will murder you."

"You need to stop talking right now or I swear on your grave I will murder you," Viktor mocked, "You don't have the guts to kill me even if it was your deepest desire. You know that it wasn't my fault your parents died after the war, it was yours. It wasn't Jordeyn's fault that her parents died, it was your fathers. It wasn't my fault that your parents divorced before the war. They even told you. It. Was. Yours." Az stared at him in disbelief.

"You're kidding, right? You're fucking kidding me. I've tried all my life to help all of you raise Jordeyn and this is how you pay me? By fucking blaming me for all of my god damn faults? I swear to God you better be thankful we're at school or swear I'd-"

"You'll what? You always say that you'll beat me up. And on that topic, anyone else who mentally or physically hurts any of us. But you know that isn't true. It's always me who has to do it because we can't fucking depend on you to do any of that shit. And you know it's true. So for the love of God, stop playing the victim for once." Tears slowly streamed down his face. His face flustered, bottom lip trembling, and out nowhere there was a loud, hard slap.


	6. Tears

Viktor stumbled back, crashing into a pile of garbage bags. He tried getting up but was shoved down quickly. Az crushed his heel into Viktor's nose and stormed off. His vision lined with tears, lips still trembling, and clothes a mess. Too many thoughts were running through his head, 'it's not my fault. It's no one's fault that this happened to them. It's not my fault her parents are dead. He's just trying to get under my skin. But he did. I believed every stupid word that came out of his mouth and I believed every single one. Why. Why do I let these things happen to me? It just has to be my fault. I allowed him to hurt me and use my weakness to hurt me. Damnit.' He struggled with the bathroom door and stumbled against the sink, quickly turning the faucet. He splashed water against his face and collapsed onto the floor.

"FUCK." He choked. The tears now flooding and streaming down his face, staining his golden skin. He trembled holding his knees and leaned against the wall with labored breaths.

"Az?" Jorderyn called out. Azyriah didn't care anymore. He didn't care about what everyone else said. He didn't care if his parents were gone. He didn't care that he couldn't protect Jordeyn. He didn't care about anything that had happened to him. He just needed her. Her touch was all he needed. He needed her comfort and they both knew it. He struggled to a somewhat standing position and slowly walked out of the bathroom. "Oh my God." He ran to Jordeyn and embraced her in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wr-"

"Pl-please, Jorde. No-no talki-ing. I just ne-need you right now." He tried his best. But it was no use. He didn't want to try anymore.

"Yes, yes, of course. Sorry."

"We-we're in the middle o-of the hallway, Jorde."

"I don't care. People can walk around us. The only thing that's the important thing right now is making sure you're okay." She sat down slowly and motioned for Azyriah to follow. He layed his head in her lap, and he slowly calmed down as her fingers ran through his hair. "Come on. Let's get you food." She helped him get up, even though he was almost twice her height.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Viktor sneered, pushing everyone out of his way, "what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Fuck. Jorde, run. Please." She didn't need to be told twice. The anger in Viktor's eyes was terrifying. She ran for the cafeteria door mentally praying that Azyriah wouldn't suffer any major injuries.

"Absolutely not. You, my friend, aren't going anywhere," Viktor shouted, grabbing a fistful of her hair, and throwing her against a lunch table.

"What the hell is wrong with you? God, I'm only trying to help a fri-" Viktor picked her up and shoved her against the wall, his hand, cutting off her windpipe.

"Keep your mouth shut. I didn't say that you could speak, did I?" His face was inches away from hers and she could smell his cologne. The edges of her vision were going black and she struggled under his grip. He knew she was going to blacking out. She knew it. She grasped at his wrists, stuttering inaudible words, and just as she was sure she was going to pass out, he let go of her. She immediately collapsed, gasping for air. Her knees buckled underneath her and she fell to the floor. Hard.

"What. The hell. Was that?" His figure looked strange, because of the angle her head was tilted at. She wanted to see his face. She wanted to see his eyes and expression when he realized how much he had hurt her. But there was nothing. His chest rose and fell with each inhale and exhale. His eyes, were like ice. And his form. The way he carried himself was unlike anything Joredyn had seen. He was confident but shy. Everyone was surrounding them but didn't do anything. His lip was busted and his eye was already blackening. All of his weight was on his right leg, and his left foot was at a weird angle. "Answer me damnit. Why did you do that?"

"You really expect me to let you comfort that jackass? I may have said some harsh things, but that gives you no right to comfort him. I don't even -"

"Wait. What did you say to Az?"

"Just ignore what I said and listen to everything else. Please -"

"Absolutely not. I don't care if you're two years older than me. You will answer do you understand me?"

"Or what? You can't do anything to make me answer." And out of nowhere, Jordeyn finds the strength to stand and kicks him across the face. His head knocks back with a sickening crack.

"Shit." Notwithstanding being irate, Jordeyn ran to his side. He squirmed on the floor clutching his face. "Now, since I know that you're okay, what did you say to Azyriah?"

Viktor stopped moving suddenly, "and why would you like to know?"

"Because according to what you said, that's part of the reason why Az was crying, which very quickly led to you throwing me around like a rag doll. Now. For the last, and final time, tell me what you said to Az."

"God woman, you can't get a break, can you?"

"No. It seems like I can't."

"Fine. I told him it was his fault that his parents divorced, his parents' death, and your parents' death." She quickly let go of him and stumbled back. She stared at him in disbelief. Never, did she expect words as cold and cruel to come out of his mouth?

"You. You what? You know for a fact that it wasn't his fault. I know you know that. And you can't assume that it was his fault. Because from what I remember, it was your fault the war ended. When the war ended, your bomb killed 567,757 people in the process. By the looks of it, it was YOUR FAULT, THAT HIS AND MY PARENTS, ARE NOW DEAD."

"I KNOW. YOU REALLY THINK THAT I DON'T KNOW THAT? I WAS ANGRY. HE TOLD ME HE'D MURDER ME IF I DIDN'T SHUT UP."

"And I, Viktor, would love to murder you, right about now. You really think that I'm going to forgive you in the slightest?" All he did was stare. He knew he messed up badly. This would probably be the final time he'd see Jordeyn as a friend, and in the near future, a stranger. All he could see now was a girl he had hurt and broken the only thing keeping her together. Her trust.


	7. Irene

She turned on her heels, and ran. She ran and didn't look back. Everything was a blur, nothing made sense, and she could hear shoes hitting the cold stone behind her. Following her. Then, out of nowhere, she's pulled into a room. She tried letting out a scream, but they were quickly muffled by a hand.

"Will you shut up? Jesus Christ." She recognized this voice. Chocolatey and smooth like honey. Like the accent of actors and actresses in the late 1800's.

"Irene what are you-"

She was quickly cut off when she felt the cool, smooth, stones of the room pressed against her back causing her to take a sharp inhale, "shut up, before I make you." Jordeyn was at a loss for words. She always knew that there was this side of Irene, but she never acted upon, or allowed others to notice it.

"But-but why can't I just-"

"What" Her hand snaked around her neck, "did," she grabbed Jordeyn's wrists' behind her back, "I," she brought her knee between Jordeyn's legs, "say?" leaning forward. Her perfume wafting into Jordeyn's nose. The smell of honey and rain dizzied her.

She snuck her wrists out from Irene's grasp and brought them to the nape of her neck, laced her fingers in her silky, black tresses, and crushed her lips into hers. Irene was shocked by the action, but quickly returned the action.

"Jump," she mumbled in Jordeyn's ear. She obeyed and wrapped her legs around her waist. Irene crushed her hips into Jordeyn's as her back came in contact with the only desk in the room.

"Irene, what are you-" She couldn't answer.

"If you even think about making a single sound and moving even an inch, I will make sure you can't walk for days on end." Jordeyn's eyes widened at the thought. She didn't mind the thought, but she had football practice the next day.

"Make me." And that's when she knew, she messed up. Irene crashed her lips into Jordeyn's and fiddled with the buttons on her trousers. Jordeyn tried unzipping Irene's skirt, but was quickly interrupted when her arms, all of a sudden, were pinned above her head. "Irene, someone's going to catch us."

"Let them." Jordeyn arched her back at Irene's touch, and she took the opportunity to fully remove her trousers. The icy air kissed her skin, sending goosebumps down her spine.

Irene stared at her in awe. She ravished in the way she (Jordeyn) whrithed and melted at her touch.

Jordeyn gasped. She felt something cool and sharp being dragged up her leg, "I-Irene... What is that?"

"My scissors. I don't have a knife on me at the moment, so it'll have to make do."

"Fuck-fucking...fucking hell..." she moaned.

"What was that?" and the touch was gone. She cried out at the loss of contact.

"Jordeyn? Where are you?" She recognized this voice. It was dark and demanding. Viktor.

"Shit," she muttered under breath.

"Is that who I think it is? Is that Viktor Frazier?"

"Uhhh... What if I told you it was?"

"Then he's a dead man walking." Jordeyn quickly pulled her trousers back on and pecked Irene on the cheek.

"See you later," and walked out. She saw Viktor running towards her, and she quickly turned in the opposite direction. He pulled her to face him.

"What the hell happened to your hair?"

"You happened, and Irene helped."

"Wait. Irene as in Irene Holmes?"

"No, Irene as in your mother. YES I MEAN IRENE HOLMES."

"Okay, okay I'm sorry-"

"No you're not."

"Exuse me?"

"Do I really need to repeat myself? You're not sorry. You purposefully hurt Az, the only person who helped raise me by the way, and then proceeded to almost break my ribs and back. You really think we're friends after all of that?" And she glanced behind his shoulder.

"What the hell?" Irene had fury in her eyes and her cheeks were red with rage. She took the scissors, the same scissors she used on Jordeyn, and lunged at Viktor.

"Irene! Irene, stop, please. You're going to hurt him." And there was a sickening crack. She wasn't moving, "Vik-Viktor what did you do?"

"What did I do? Did you just ask what I did? She's the one who tried stabbing me."

"And you're the reason why my parents are dead. Now move over before I rip out your throat with my bare teeth."

"Do it. I dare you. You may never know, it could be enjoyable." A sly smirk spreading across his face. His teeth were white and perfectly straight, but Jordeyn could already imagine her fist connecting with his mouth and ruining that smile of his.

"You're sick, and I hope you realize that sooner, rather than later." He rolled his eyes and stood up, beginning to walk away, "if you think that you can just walk away from her, think again. I'll take these and stab you myself."

"Viktor get the hell away from her."

"My, my, my, if it isn't the one and only, Azyraih Smith! Tell me, how was it crying in someone's arms? Did it remind you of your mommy?" Viktor mocked him. Azyriah's teeth were bared and Jordeyn could already see what was going to happen.

"Azyraih, look at me. Look. At. Me. Now. I don't care if you want to rip off his head at this very moment, but that's my job right now. Please, for the love of God and our safety, take Irene to the hospital wing." He stared at her. Her hair was frizzy and knotted, tears were streaming down her face, and she was glancing at the two boys in front of her, "If you guys can't get along, I'll lock you both in the same room for weeks on end until you can decide to get along again. Do you understand me?

"Yes, ma'am," they both mumbled. She was glad that they looked and felt guilty. It'd make the job a hell of a lot easier.


	8. Memory

The air was cool and crisp. The smell of snow was fresh and inviting. Jordeyn knew it was that time of year; the year of holiday cheer and gift giving, spending time with family, and being with those she loved the most.

There were toys in the windows and candy stands on the sidewalk. The smell of fresh pastries and bread drifted through the air, filling her soul with what she knew would be the best feeling she ever would. Her mother and father weren't far from her, "honey, come here for a minute! Don't you want your picture taken with St. Nick?"

This was her favorite part. Sitting with St. Nick and telling him what she wished for most during the holidays, "tell me, little one, what would you like from St. Nick this year? A doll house? Oh, dear, no. How about a pony?"

"I don't want anything this year, I swear! I would actually appreciate if somehow my family became one, again."

"Now, now. You know I can't do that for you. But I can tell you this. This one thing will be what will help you with whatever hardships you're dealing with. Just remember, no matter what, they'll always be with you. When you're at school, having an argument with them, or even when you're crying on the bathroom floor. They'll always be with you."

"How is that supposed to help?"

"It'll help when you believe it the most. Tell me, do you think that you would be half the person you are today without them?"

She thought about it. They have been with her even when they weren't at their strongest. They didn't have to be there for her, but they were. They never gave up on her, and she wasn't going to start giving up on them right now, "thank you St. Nick!"

"Jordeyn, I'm not St. Nick..." A deep, smooth voice spoke softly in her ear.

"Azyriah?" He was bloodied. His tooth, cracked and a prominent cut under his eye just below his cheekbone.

"I'm so sorry."

"What are you talking about? We're in the town square." And all of a sudden, she recognized where she was. The hospital, "Mom? Dad?"

"They're gone. I'm sorry. I tried getting them out of the wreckage but-"

"What. Wreckage. What are you talking about Az?"

"They're gone. I swear I tried..."

Nothing made sense anymore. She could only hear the slow monotone line of the monitor attached to her parents. No pulse. No blood pressure. Both brain and heart dead. But they couldn't be. They were just with her.

She saw him walk in. The familiar tall, demanding figure right in front of her. Viktor, "Would you care to explain what happened?"

"I swear to God, Az. I tried telling Castillo not to drop the bomb, but he didn't listen."

"You do realize you killed over 300,000 people right? Jordeyn's and my parents included."

"What? They can't be. I was just with them."

"You were in a bunker. It's nuclear resistant. They walked out of it just as the bomb was dropped."

Jordeyn slipped out of his grasp and ran. She ran to her mom's room and shook her. Shook her like her life depended on it. Nothing happened. Her eyes were wide awake, lifeless, and rolled into the back of her head, "please, mom, please. Don't leave me. Please. Whatever you do just don't leave. I promise, I'll eat my brocolli and spinach without being told. Or do my homework and not miss anything. Just please, whatever you do, don't leave me. I..I-I need you." Tears streamed down her face and stained the pillow, "please, please, please... God, why you and not me? WHY?"

"We need to go." Viktor tried peeling her from her body.

"No. Let go of me. Let go. I can't leave her. She died alone, and I'm staying here until I do too."

"Jordeyn, please. We need to go, now. They're evacuating the hospital."

"I'm staying. I can't just leave. I can't, I can't, I can't... I can't... Not yet."

And she cracked. The weight of their death crushed her. Her chest felt heavy and unbearable. Her knees gave way and she collapsed. They were gone. They were gone and her last words to them were, "bye." Bye. That word had no meaning to Jordeyn. Until today.

"Shhh, shhh. It's okay. Everything'll be okay. We're here." She sobbed into his shoulder. His shirt drenched in her salty tears. She remembered crying the same way with her dad when she scraped her knee trying to ride a bike without training wheels for the first time. And her mother wiping her tears away with her apron when she burned herself with the baking sheet. And it all came back. The memories she had with them. The good, and the bad.

"JORDEYN WAKE UP." Her body convulsed involuntarily. She saw his face above hers. She shook like a leave in car traffic, "Get her legs. I can't hold all of her down at once."

Her eyes flew open and she tried to move, looking around her frantically, "It's okay, it's okay. You had a dream."

"No. No it couldn't have been. It was real, too real. I was there."

"Where?"

"At the hospital. My parents... they. I just found out they were dead. I - what is - I need -" She cried. She was tired of crying but she couldn't help it. She needed to. She hadn't cried in so long, she thought it wasn't physically possible to anymore.

"Come'ere. It's okay, I got you." And he held her. Despite everything they've been throught together, he held her. He held her shaking body. He hated seeing her this weak. He never saw her this weak, and he hated it. Her broken nature was because of a bomb he built. It was his fault she saw him this way. It was his fault she couldn't see him any other way. He felt tears collect on his lashes. He closed his eyes, and let them fall. He didn't care. Everyone in the room was a broken soul.

Azyriah came around from the foot of the bed and hugged them both. They all quietly cried together and didn't care who saw them.

They all knew everyone had those thoughts and memories. The thoughts where you think you're bothering your favorite person by talking too much, or the thoughts that you'll never be good enough for those you truly love. The ones you truly love who have done everything for you, and with one small slip-up, you're on the floor of your bathroom crying yourself to sleep. Maybe it's the thought of loosing the most important people in your life. The ones who you think will walk out on you in a heartbeat, even though they can't bear to be without you.

And the memories of those you lost. The good, and the bad. Blowing out birthday candles with your family on you're birthday, wishing that you'd get the new video game you were hoping for. Or maybe, it's the memory of laughing at a comedy show on the television, or watching your favorite Disney movie when you were at home from school because you have the seasonal cold.

They all had these thoughts and memories. Some of them, more vivid than others. But it didn't matter to them. They had each other. And at the moment, it's all they truly need.


	9. Feelings

"What are we gonna do?"

"I'm not sure. It's not like we can spend every single second of the night with her."

"You know we don't have to you." Azyriah whispered. His voice thick from crying.

"What are you whispering about? You know that I'm here right?" Jordeyn had woken. She felt a migraine coming and groaned in pain.

"Thank God, you woke up. We thought you died." Viktor chuckled, and immediately shut up with the death stare given by Azyriah.

"What are you talking about?" She began to sit up, and blood drained from her face."

"Absolutely not," Azyriah sang, "you're staying in bed laying down, while we figure out why you had this 'dream' of yours." He rushed over to her and smacked a hand across her chest.

"It was a nightmare. Please tell me you haven't heard of them. I want to make fun of you because of it." She retorted, lazily picking up his arm and throwing it back at him.

"Out for twenty hours and you're still you're snarky, annoying, usual self," Viktor vocolized, rather than thought, "good. I was getting bored and annoyed with the sad, depressed, sulky Jordeyn." Azyriah tried to contain his laughter but failed miserably, doubling in half.

"That's funny. You know? That's a real good one." She snapped. She stumbled out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror behind them.

She looked thin, and weak. Almost attenuated in a way, "how long did you say I was asleep for?"

"Twenty hours. Why?"

"I look like a damn stick." She turned to look at her back. Her dress shirt was wrinkled and stained with tears. "And, who's tears are these? I don't remember crying... It doesn't matter. Where are we going?"

Azyriah and Viktor eyed each other suspiciously. Never, had Jordeyn forgotten something. Maybe her lunch money or homework, but never an event that happened in the past 48 hours.

"You don't, how do I say this? Uhhh, remember crying?"

"Not at all. Why? Did I cry? I never cry."

"You had a dream that- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" Viktor screeched. Azyraih gave him a look. Not just any look. The look. The look your mom gives you when you're doing something wrong, or when she knows that you lied about not eating the last cookie or slice of cake. He dragged Viktor into the bathroom and tried speaking with him in a calm manner.

"I will kill you in front of her. I don't care at this point. You're a jackass, and I hope you realize that. She doesn't need those memories right now. She doesn't remember anything, and we should keep it that way. And please, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. You hated the way she looked all broken and miserable. I could see that you wanted to be there for her every single second of that breakdown. If I didn't know any better or if I wasn't you're friend and just a stranger, I'd say that you actually had feelings for her." Azyriah reread the last words he spoke and chuckled quietly, "who am I kidding? You're Viktor Frazier for God's sake. You can't feel anymore." He saw Viktor with his head bowed and back to him. "Wait, you don't actually have feelings or care for her, do you?" Nothing. "Do, you? Damn it Viktor, answer me. Do you, or do you not-"

"I don't know. I don't fucking know what I feel anymore. Yesterday I cried for the first time since I was a child. You know that. She makes me soft and I despise it. I hate the way that she looks absolutely breathtaking when she's walking into a room, and the way she smiles. Damn, Az, I've never seen someone look like that." He smiled. He never smiled. What the fuck? Why was he smiling?

"Oh. My. God." Azyriah chuckled, "Viktor Frazier, my man! You have a-"

"Don't say it. Don't you dare fucking say it."

"You, my friend, have a crush on Jordeyn Matthews." Tears were brimming his eyes from the pressure of not letting his laughs echo off the walls.

"Damn you. I've had enough. I don't have a crush on Jordeyn. I mean yeah, I may have had a few one-night-stands here and there, but that doesn't mean anything."

"Exactly. You haven't tried anything with Jordeyn in how long? Six, seven months?"

"Shit."

"I told you. You have a crush on Jordeyn."

"I will kill you if you say anything." He was turning beet red. His black hair standing out in contrast to his eyes. Viens bulged out of his neck and his jaw was clenched. He stared at Azyriah's soul through his eyes and doubled over in laughter. "I have, I have a crush on, on Jordeyn Matthews." He wheezed and coughed supporting himself on Azyriah's shoulder. "This has to be the most ridiculous thing I've heard come out of your mouth."

Azyriah punched him in the stomach. "Please, rethink how you described her, and then tell me if you still think it's not true. I'll wait." He watched the gears turn in his head. His eyes widened with twenty different emotion. "See, I told you."

"Oh my God, oh my God, how do I make it stop? I don't catch feelings for people. Make it stop, make it stop!" He ran around the bathroom trying to look for something that'd knock him out in under five minutes. Azyriah watched him run around like a boy chasing a girl on the playground, wheezing like a teakettle.

"You can't... You can't just get rid of these feelings." He said between fits of laughter, "it takes time. You care for her, Viktor. Be proud of yourself that you still actually have the potential to feel something. Most people can't."

Viktor stopped in his tracks and turned on his heels to face him. He took three long strides across the length of the bathroom and embraced him in a chest-crushing hug, "I love you, you know?"

"Oh, believe me, I know plenty."


	10. Lies

"You've got to be fucking kidding me right?"

"Sadly, no. And don't use that language around my sister or I, do you understand?" Jay bellowed. He heard about what had happened to Jordeyn and wasn't exactly sure if going directly to her was the best option. They'd always been close, but ever since being drafted into the guard, they hadn't talked since the end of summer. He had remembered Jordeyn asking him about going out of town for Cayden's birthday, but he never expected them to go through with the plan. She was always isolating herself and had zero human interaction with others unless it was at school, or during the weekends while studying. "It's also not the time to tell her. She'd kill me. Well, she'd actually kill the both of us if she ever knew. We need to be smart with timing. She's confused, scared, and forgetting even more things by the second, and I know that that isn't my Jordyen."

"Not your Jordeyn, but okay."

"How dare you... You have zero right to talk to me in that manner. I believed that you understood. She cannot know." Jay sneered. His eyes; dark and hard. His jaw was clenched and the stubble on his face have dimension to his prominent cheekbones. He hair swept over his eyes lightly, and you could tell by the way he carried himself, that he was having a fairly difficult time not smashing Viktor's head into the armoire being him.

"Tell her what?" Blayne questioned, "and why is it so dark in here?" She lit the lamp standing by the dresser and stood next to Viktor. "Tell her what, Jay?"

"That Jordeyn isn-"

"I swear to God, if you even dare to think that, I won't kill you, please. Think again. She is my sister. No one elses. Do you understand me?" Viktor rolled his eyes and huffed a breath, "do you, or do you not fucking understand me?"

"Yes, sir. I do understand."he mocked, waving a small salute with his index and middle finger.

"I'm sorry?"

"I said that I do-" Next thing he knew, he was crashing into the armoire.

Jay picked up a bottle of perfume, tossed it a few times in his hand, and bellowed, "Blayne, duck!" Almost a split second too late, she felt the bottle fly over her head. It crashed against the wood, and left a large, dark, stain.

"What the hell is going on?" Cayden whined, running in to see what was going on.

"Get out of here. He's crazy. He's a delusional, dumbass, who's trying to kill me."

"Were you the one who threw that bottle?"

"What if I was?"

"You son of a-" and he was sprawled on the floor. Jay stood over him and put a metal-toed leather boot against his chest.

"Don't even think about getting in the middle of this."

"I'd sleep with one eye open tonight, or I might just stab you to death."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"Jay, get off of him."

"Jordeyn get out of here." Her eyes traveled around the room.

They first landed on Blayne, who was rocking back and forth on her tailbone, hugging her knees. She shook like a leaf and tears were pooling her bright, blue eyes. Her flaming red hair was a mess and sticking in all sorts of odd directions. Her eyes focused on the 19-year-old baby behind her, sweeping his hands behind his head, making sure he wasn't bleeding. She saw the large stain above his head and rushed to him, "please tell me it didn't hit you."

"No. But it was sure as hell close."

"What did I say about talking that way around my sister?"

"I genuinely don't know what you're talking about." He had a smirk playing across his face. His eyes were testing, and hard. His tongue rolled against the inside of his cheek and he let out a low laugh.

"What did he say, Vik?"

"Oh, nothing. Just that you aren't-"

"SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH."

"MAKE ME."

"Oh, believe me Mr. Viktor Frazier. I will gladly rip your throat out with my teeth when I have the chance. You don't get to decide when you get to tell her."

"Tell her what?"

"Oh for the love of God," Viktor mumbled under his breath, "Az, if you really want to know what's going on, I suggest you get here when everyone else does. You're what? The third, fourth person to ask?"

"Viktor Xavier Frazier."

"You can't tell me I'm wrong, Jay. Even you know you're borderlining dangerous territory."

Jay traipsed to where Viktor sat. He slammed his head against the armoire, with a hand around his neck, "Azyriah, get me a bucket of bleach, and a mop. Jordeyn, go to the chief and tell him there's been a murder."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me. Now go."

Colors flashed before their eyes. Azyriah flew to where Jay squat, wiping the blood off of Viktor's busted lip. His hunters knife against his pulse, "get. Your hand. Away from him."

He was too quick. Jay spun around and dug his elbow into Azyriah's nose. A 'crack' emitted around the room. His blood pooled onto the lush carpet like freshly spilt wine. Viktor found the strength to swipe Jay's legs out, from under him, and a fight broke out.

Jordeyn ran towards Blayne who was cowering against the side of the dresser, trying to keep herself out of it all. Now Cayden, he was another story. He was a wrestler. He quit in his Freshman year, but he was still a wrestler. He wasn't afraid of getting hurt. His parents beat him relentlessly at home, for being a 'failure' in their eyes. He'd remind them that they were high school dropouts and mean drunks, but that made everything worse. He knew how to tend to broken bones and fractured skulls thanks to them. He didn't like learning everything he did this way, but it would soon help with everyone else.

"Let's get out of here, Blayne." She didn't move. "Blayne, come on. We're gonna get hurt." She nodded her head and braced herself against Jordeyn's side, using her as a crutch. There was an ear-piercing cry emitting from the other side of the room. They spun around, and saw Cayden with his leg and foot twisted, starting at his hip, and ending in a weird angle.

"BLAY- BLAYNE... I-I NE- I NEED HE- SHIT."

"Cayden?" She whispered, mortified. She ran around the others to where he lay. She lifted his head, and lay it on her lap. "It's okay. I'm here. Shhh, shhh. You're okay. Just try to breathe, okay?"

He nodded. That move alone, caused him to cry in pain. "Jay. He's hurt because of Viktor. What was he talking about?"

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Bullshit."

"I'm sorry, Viktor, what was that?"

"I said nothing."

"Jay, shut your damn mouth."

"I don't give two shits that you're my sister. Do not talk to me like that."

Viktor's laugh was mainiacal. "Are you that naive, where you'll believe everything he says?"

"What are you guys hiding? It can't be that bad. I've been through too much shit to even care-"

"You don't have family, anymore, Jordeyn."

"I HAVE JAY YOU DUMBASS. DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING MORE."

"OH REALLY? DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE ADOPTED? THAT NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOUR TRUE BIRTH PARENTS ARE? YOUR TRUE SIBLINGS? JAY IS MY BROTHER, NOT YOURS. HE'S TECHNICALLY YOUR STEP-BROTHER IF THAT COUNTS AS ANYTHING, BUT YOU IF JUST LISTENED, YOU'D KNOW THE WHOLE STORY. YOU HAVE NO FAMILY LEFT."

Jordeyn couldn't hold it in. The words he spoke had to be a lie. She always knew he was jealous of the relationship she had with Jay. They've been at each other's sides through thick and thin. Nothing, even this could tear them apart. Right? "N-no. You're lying. Tell him he's lying Jay." Nothing. "Jay. Tell him he doesn't know what he's talking about."

"He's not lying, Jorde. Viktor's biological mom died during childbirth, and his dad didn't want him. My family adopted him, and had another child, who's now dead, but they did a blood test and found traces of my DNA in Viktor. Same thing happened to you, but you weren't born in the hospital. Officials found you abandoned on the side of the road in an alley-way. I'm sorry."


	11. Hold On

Cayden

____________________________________________________________

The rain drummed against the window panes in time with my heartbeat, and the murky sky cast an unpropitious silhouette. My thoughts built up on top of one another and I could feel a cephalalgia occurring. My attempts at soothing the pain by engulfing my head into the corduroy pillow were unsuccessful, and I allowed the tears to trickle across the bridge of his nose, unable to contain my vehemence. Everything about the prior day was fruitless; nothing felt honorable. I truly believed that my course of action was right, but it wasn't, in any way I believed it could be viewed.

I tried. That's all that I can say I did. She was drunk and didn't know what she was doing. I never expected her to know. She was amnesiac when under the influence of her alcohol. She was terrorizing; I despised seeing her when she was. The outcome of her abuse left me with a damaged ankle and concussion. She was a pain in the ass the day after. I just couldn't understand why she'd do something like this. I was her son. Her son. I should be loved and welcome home and feel safe in my parents' arms. Not the irreconcilable. I would leave to go to the Academy next year and they don't know. She doesn't have a job - same with dad. The thought of calling them my parents left a vile taste lingering on my tongue.

Jarring footsteps making their way up the staircase just outside my room interrupted my thoughts - dad. My heart pounded against my sternum. I knew the excruciating pain in my head wouldn't subside soon, and tears stained my face. I bolted to the bathroom and closed the door with a crash, locking it without a second thought.

"Cayden. You... alright?... good...?" Great. Now my father was slurring his words, obviously too drunk to comprehend anything around him. I didn't answer. I had a particular notion that he wouldn't question me if I kept silent. "Well, anyway. Get down here soon. Your mother and me need to talk to you about this trip."

Shit. I'd forgotten about the trip for my birthday. I could've sworn Jordeyn told me about it yesterday. I stood from the spot where I was curled in near the back corner of the bathroom. Almost immediately, my legs buckled underneath me and gave out. I saw a splint on my ankle and a makeshift cast on my arm - Blayne's work. But when had she come? She seldom came to this shithole. She despised my parents for what they do to me. Did they do the same when I wasn't around? I swear to fucking God I'll kill them if they did. I can't stand it anymore. The audacity they have... "D-do I have to go?"

"What do you mean, son? It's for your birthday. We've never celebrated it, and you're turning twenty! It's not every day your son celebrates the last year of his childhood." I stared blankly at the wall, the stars in my vision evanesce. What did he just call me? "Son, you coming?" I couldn't stand any more of his acting. The raw audacity he has to call me his son. All those years of taking on his beatings and lectures about me being a disappointment to the family name. What family name? No one even knew we existed anymore; thus the reasoning of me taking on Azyriah's grandmother's maiden name. Thank God he allowed me to use it, 'cause if not, I'd simply go insane. I unbolted the door and slammed it open, causing it to ricochet off the wall and slowly closing behind me.

"You. You have no right to CALL ME YOUR SON. I've tried for years to get you to even look into my eyes without cringing, and I can still see the difficulty you have with that. I've tried standing up for myself, but no matter what, you just can't simply let me be. I'm done with the alcohol, I'm done with the abuse, and I'm also completely, and utterly done with the audacity you have to call me your DAMN SON. IF I HEAR FROM ANYONE, INCLUDING MY FRIENDS THAT YOU'RE DOING THE SAME TO THEM, I WILL NOT HESITATE TO SLIT YOUR THROATS."

"You cannot speak to me like that under my roof. I've fed you, bathed you, given you a bed to sleep in, and loved you like a parent. You should be damn grateful for what we've done for you, and that we haven't thrown you into the streets. I-"

"When. When have you ever loved me? You and mom are always drinking and violent. You don't even know that I'm going to the Academy next year, and neither of you gives a shit about me, so don't even try to tell me otherwise. I will not be talking to either of you about this trip because it's for my birthday, and neither of you remembered, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Blayne's and staying there until I leave. You won't even notice I'm gone, because you already can't, so just continue with your lives as you already have been and leave me alone." It felt great. The adrenaline coursing through my blood and numbing the searing pain I've been feeling in my ankle whilst leaning on the door. He stared at me in shock, beer bottle in hand, and drool staining his chin. His eyes darkened, showing pure fury. His ears were tinged a deep, crimson red, and his nose a pale pink. No matter what I've said or done in the past, has he ever looked at me with suck disappointment. I hated it, but drank the feeling of pure power. I've done what I could, and it felt astounding.

I pushed myself off the wall into a somewhat standing position, and shoved past him, causing him to stumble and his back crashing into the floor. I didn't turn my head to give him the satisfaction of me caring or giving him a second glance. I stormed down the hall and ran into her. "And where do you think you're going?"

"Oh, let me think for a minute. I'm not sure, so why don't you ask the pig in my room."

"Don't talk about your father like that. You know for a fact that he cares more about you than you ever know."

"You have ZERO ideas about what he does or says to me. You're just like him. Drunk, violent, and addicted to shit that has nothing to do with me. And to add on to everything else, you're obsessed with the idea of me leaving in the next eight months. So please, don't worry about a thing because I'm staying with the people who do care about me until I leave." I tried. I tried my absolute best to get past her, but she towered over me. Her breath was fanning over my face and it was revolting. The smell of alcohol mixed with nicotine and teeth that haven't been brushed in over a week. I was shocked that none of her teeth have fallen out.

"You will stay here, with us, or you're never coming back."

"Please. Don't threaten me with a good time." I shoved her into the room behind her and slammed the door shut.

I rounded the corner and saw them sitting at the table covered in grime. I bit my lip to keep from laughing at the face Viktor made, his finger running over the surface of the table and choking at the texture.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not usually at home to clean. I stay at-"

"Shut up and come here. Now."

"Blayne, I-"

"Now. Please."

She didn't have to tell me twice. I limped into her arms and collapsed. Her hair, smelling of coffee with a hint of cinnamon - her signature scent. She never changed it. Always the same, and I cherished it. Her wool sweater, soft against my stained face, more tears racing down my chin. I felt her arm move around me and a burning sensation began near my ear.

"What the hell, Blayne? What is that?"

"Sorry, sorry, I thought it cooled down."

"Is that coffee?" I wasn't asking to know, but for reassurance. I knew she had an issue with refraining herself from drinking that putrid, dirt-flavored, bitter water mixture, but if it's what kept her going and happy, I will gladly leave her be.

"I'm not sure. You tell me." She shoved the coffee cup under my nose and almost immediately, the scent of coffee grounds and her cinnamon-infused creamer took over my body. I closed my eyes to keep my dinner down and took a respite. I crawled away to where Azyriah was standing and leaned against his shins. His shins vibrated from the deep chuckle that emitted from his throat and he messed my hair. I quickly turned and swat at him.

"Don't," my voice sounding more childlike than I intended. He quickly snatched his hand away and vigorously nodded, a smirk playing on his features.

"What is wrong with you?" She snapped at me. Blayne never snapped. She never raised her voice towards anyone. What the hell happened?

"What happened?"

"Cayden... What do you mean, what happened?"

"I said, what happened."

"Cayden Marx. Where are you?"

"Dad now is not the time."

"What. Cayden, is that your dad?"

"No, Blayne. It's my Uncle."

"Oh." Her voice shook and her gaze drifted to the floor.

"YES, IT'S MY DAD."

"I can't be here." I watched as she sprung off the table and bound out of the room. What the hell? I fumbled for the ledge of the table and hauled myself to my feet, limping as fast as I could after her.

"Blayne!" It took every bit of energy and strength I had to catch up to her. She cut a corner, and I lay hold of her shoulder." What was that?"

"Cayden, do you really not know?"

"What. Is. It?"

"Please tell me you remember the bruises I had from Halloween week."

"Yes, yes, I remember." Her blue eyes pierced through mine and I felt vulnerably naked, despite being clothed. Tears pooled her eyes and her lips parted. Sweat trickled on her brow and she picked at her nails; a nervous tick of hers. Her posture slacked and the tension in her shoulders increased. "Blayne, who."

"I told you. I fell..."

"You didn't fall. No one gets a black eye from falling down the stairs. Now, for the last time, who."

"It'll make everything worse, and I don't-"

"I don't care if it makes anything worse. I need to know now."

"Alright Cayden, you want to know? You really want to know who did this? Your dad. During that Halloween party at Jordeyn's, he somehow got in and found me. He knows what I am to you. He hates me, if not, more than you. I tried to defend myself. I really did, but I couldn't. He's terrifying, Cayden. And it's mortifying to me, that you have to spend every single second of every day in this flat with him, knowing what he's doing. I thought Jordeyn was joking, but no. It's even worse than what she said it was. I want you out of here now, before I call the cops. Do you understand me?"

All I could do was stare at her with blank eyes, mouth ajar, and my thought's interrupting whatever I was going to say to her with - when the fuck did she talk like this? I couldn't process any other bits of information besides her saying he hit her. He hit her. He hit my Blayne; the only important thing in my life, and the only person on this earth keeping me sane and anchored to the wretched, disgusting, fucking excuse of a world.

"I'm sorry, repeat what you said."

"I want you out of here-"

"No. About my pathetic excuse of a dad."

"I-He... He um... He kind of... uh... hit me." She turned red from embarrassment and tears ran down her face. Her chest heaved, and she collapsed. She screeched and wept, doubling over in half. I couldn't look at her like this; broken and frail from everything my dad did. I was going to kill him. Despite everything they've both claim to have 'done' for me, I'm going to kill them. Fuck morals, fuck parents, fuck the world. They can burn on the stake for all I cared, but no one lays a hand on her.

"I'll be right back." I stumbled and ran against the couch and chairs. The room spun, and I met the doorway. They stared at me like I was a drunk on the sidewalk. I look like them. I can't look like them. What the hell. I regained my composure and faced him. The foul face who has tormented me for years and years. "Did you, or did you not hit Blayne?"

Viktor was up on his feet and Azyriah had a hand in front of his chest, ready to hold him back if need be. "What did you say to me?"

"I said did you, or did you not HIT. BLAYNE. CARVER." I dug my nails into my palms and refrained from throttling him. The false confusion he plastered on his face pissed me off. He spluttered and stared at the two with utter 'confusion'

"Are you out of your mind? I'd hit no one. Ever. You should know-"

"YOU THINK I'D KNOW THAT? ALL YOU DO WHEN I'M HERE IS ABUSE ME. YOU NEVER LOVED ME. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY I HAVE A DAMN SLING ON MY ARM? BECAUSE OF YOU. YOU DID THIS. AND I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO BOTHER CALLING YOU DAD BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO NOW, YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT TITLE."

"You're a pathetic liar, Cayden Marx. And I'm ashamed to even have you as my son."

There. That's where he hit me. The one nerve I had tried to protect from him forever. My dignity, emotions, and emotional humanity. I lunged at him and slammed him against the wall, my hands around his neck. I watched, the edges of my vision were red with rage, veins popping out of my neck. His face purpled, and he spluttered like an idiot. Firm hands hugged my chest from behind and tugged me off of him. I fought and kicked and bit at whoever it was. "LET GO OF ME."

"Calm. Down." Az.

"AZYRIAH SMITH. YOU WILL NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN."

"Then I'm not letting you go." How was he calm? I just told everyone that my dad had hit Blayne, and he was defending him?

"You find out not even five minutes ago that he hit her. He hit her Az. I don't want to see him again." Almost instantaneously, I felt a heavy weight on my chest. I could feel the tears running again and my knees buckling under my weight. I heard nothing around me, and the images of people around me blurred.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry." He consoled, spinning me by my shoulders to face him into a bone-crushing hug. "Blayne! We need you." From around his shoulder, I could see her face: blotchy and red from crying, clothes ruffled and a mess, and her hair in twenty different directions. How could one look so devastated and hurt, yet so perfect and serene at the same time?

She ran towards Az and slowly peeled him off me. Tears streamed down her face, looking odd against the tender smile on her face. She cared. The only person who even cared about what i had to endure. I pulled out of her hug and stared at her, searching her eyes for regret or remorse. None.

I leaned in and kissed the tears from her face. I caught a soft gasp emit past her lips and quickly withdrew; her face frozen in soft shock. "I-I'm.. I'm sorry. I didn't think-" She closed the distance, her soft lips meeting mine. I didn't think twice about returning the act.

I kissed along her soft jaw and murmured, "Blayne Carver. If I had to fall in love with you again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I had to keep one moment and have it in my memory, cherished forever, it'd be the moment I fell in love with you."


	12. Moonlight

Blayne

____________________________________________________________

I lavished this feeling. Euphoria coursed through my veins and intoxicated my senses like a king drinking the richest of wines. The taste of my tears, salty and cool, lingering on his lips from just moments after, allowed a sense of vulnerability to wash over me. I wanted to break the kiss and pull away, wanting reassurance.

I've been broken, used, and the part that hurt most of all, being in a relationship where I was manipulated and naively believed that it was my fault I was forced into certain circumstances, where I feel there was no way of getting out safely. I left him. After years and years of putting up with his crap, I left him; and that's where I met him. The one who helped me through my darkest time - Cayden Marx. Now, when I met him, I thought he was interesting. He was quiet and shy in class, but with Viktor and Azyriah, he was the sun - joyful, loving, and above all the most important, amicable. We didn't live in the same family situation, but the two appalling years I spent with ass allowed me to get a sense of what he was going through. He needed love. Love and reassurance, although everyone in the room needs it one way or the other, he was the soul who's been broken and beat with an invisible bat. The soul, who if not given basic necessities would crumble in my arms and never be heard or seen from again. The soul who loved us all, and above all, the soul who is slowly coming back to reality after being blinded by love.

As fast as my thoughts came to me, they left. This wasn't the same as all the kisses we gave each other while saying goodbye. It was different; filled with passion and greed, where if we let go, we'd lose all hope or fall off the face of the earth. His soft, pale lips, still slick with my tears moved to my jaw, giving open-mouthed kisses. His breath caressed my neck, and a gasp, I had hoped to contain, escaped my lips. It set something off in him and they became desperate, "Blayne Carver. If I had to fall in love with you again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I had to keep one moment and have it in my memory, cherished forever, it'd be the moment I fell in love with you."

My eyes flew open and a second wave of tears were threatening my eyes. I broke the connection. - the connection keeping us both sane. "And I, Cayden Marx would never, in a million years, ask for someone different. You are the only person to have brought me true happiness and ebullience, loving and taking me as I am. I will love you forever and optimistically, in the future until we are no more, other than ash buried side by side." He searched my eyes, sparkling with tears dancing in the moonlight.

"Please, please Blayne I beg of you. Only this; the only thing I will ever ask of you is please. Don't ever leave me. I can't lose the only person worth living for."

"Cayden. I can assure you this. I will not leave you unless you ask me to. I will never stop loving you for you are the light of my soul and all things above. If you ask me to leave, I will. But just know, you will never leave my heart, and occupy a piece of it with everything I am."

"He continued his soft assault on my neck and murmured, "I will never for as long as I live, ask you to leave. You are my anchor to this earth and-"

"I hate to break up with love fest, but we really need to leave. If I stay even a second longer in whatever this is, I'm going to spill my guts all over the place."

"Viktor, please, for the love of God, fuck off. My dad, or whatever he is to me right now, may be passed out on the floor, but my mother is locked in the closet just down the hall, so I suggest you keep your voice down." I stared at him. He'd usually attack whoever talked about his life this way, but considering they had this special bond which I really couldn't understand, even after the several times he explained it to me.

"Cayden, Azyriah and Viktor can take care of locking the place up," was all I could say at the moment, taking his hand and gathering my cup and book. He nodded and eyed the two. They exchanged looks, talking with their eyes. Azyriah let out an exasperated sigh, knowing they had no other choice.

We walked out, arm in arm, and the crisp, winter air welcomed me with a kiss on my nose and cheeks. "Here," he offered his jacket, goosebumps immediately forming along his collarbones and biceps.

"Cayden, you'll freeze. Put it back on," I pestered, setting my stuff down in the soft, pale snow, shining silver in the blue moonlight. He swiveled around me and lunged for my book, water already seeping through the back.

"Blayne, I'll be okay. It's a 30 minute walk. It's not that long. And take this, before it gets ruined. I want to read whatever poems you've written today in there."

"And they say chivalry is dead. I'll let you read them once I watch you put the damn jacket on." He stared at me in shock. I was shocked. I have never used that language in my life - ever.

In a matter of seconds, his hands were around my throat and his rings dug into my pale flesh. His face was millimeters away from mine and his breath mixed with mine. My breathing hitched in my chest and his palm, pressed softly against my windpipe. "What did you say?" His palm added the slightest bit of pressure and his eyes were dark and set, with his jaw clenched and flexed. His demeanor had changed and he was demanding. "Answer."

I racked through my brain for an excuse, but nothing came to mind. I straightened my posture, and looked him dead in the eye, and replied with "put the damn jacket on." With emphasis on every word. He moved closer. Even though it didn't seem humanly possible, he managed to move closer, the warmth radiating off of him. He moved his lips to my ear, his breath caressing the shell of it, as his hands moved under the hem of my sweater and under the clasp of my bra; his hands were like ice and I gasped in shock at the contact, "Cay-Cayden ple. Please. We-we can-can't do this... here."

"They can either watch or walk past. I don't mind."

I pushed away from him and stared. A low, dark chuck emitted from the back of my throat. "I said no, so fuck. Off."

"What has gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me? Cayden Marx, I should be asking you that question."

"Calm down, Carver."

"Oh great. You know what? I'll enjoy this; the last name basis. So, Marx, how's it feel to officially have pissed off the one person who loved you more than herself, huh?" He didn't respond. It was greatly appreciated, and seeing him trying to come up with an answer only fed by ego. "That's what I fucking thought." I snatched the book from his hands, ring-shaped imprints left in the damp cover. I grabbed my cup from the cement post leading up to his stairs and stormed away. I stopped in my tracks and looked over my shoulder. He was shaking with rage, and stood. He just stood there, staring at me. I half-sprinted, half-walked up to him, threw my cup at him and spat at his feet. I walked in the opposite direction, towards the library instead of my home, and decided it'd be best to ask the librarian for help with my damaged cover. She didn't say anything out of the ordinary, besides keeping it in a cool, dry area. I should've known, considering most of my books contained coffee ring stains.

I was welcomed home with a warm dinner, ready on the table. My parents were already in bed, and the house was eerily quiet. The aroma of roasted potatoes and garlic bread scented the house with love, care, and warmth. Although I was frigid, the scent warmed my heart, reminding me of how close Christmas truly was; one week. One week until the merriest day on earth, and I still hadn't come up with a gift to give everyone. I've already decided on a collectors edition of Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility" for my mother, and a leather bound notebook for my father, but what about the others? A new board for Viktor? Basketball for Azyriah? Cayden hadn't asked for anything in particular, so I was thinking of a fine, silver nubbed fountain pen; durable, elegant, and finely crafted - perfect for writing back when he's gone at the Academy. The Academy. The place where he'd train to sacrifice his life for Pento, our wretched city, demolished and fixed by war. The war my father served in and the war that killed my friends' parents. Friends, whose soul left them whilst their parents were left for dead under rubble and fire, eating away at anything and everything in its wake.

There was a faint glow of candle light coming from the kitchen. Never, in my life, have I seen anyone in my family use a candle. They all considered it a 'waste of time to light and use," besides me. The smell of Teakwood grew stronger as I stalked closer, a medium-tall figure at the stove. It turned around without warning and I caught my breath to quiet my fear. My palms were slick with sweat and I could hear and feel my stomach beg for food. I tried my best to get a clear view of the person, but the shadowy darkness short-sighted me. I took a step around the corner, forgetting which floorboard it was the creaked.

I held my breath, terrified that the intruder could hear every bit of me; my heart pulsing against my ribcage, like the beat of a hummingbird's wings, and my breathing, rapidly growing louder and faster as the seconds passed. I saw them disappear around the corner. Relieved, I lean the umbrella against the wall, and take a calming breath, trying to regain composure over myself for hopefully the final time.

I eat my dinner in peace, continuously staring daggers at the door, looking for any sign of the intruder. Nothing. Smiling at myself for no apparent reason, I clear the table and get ready for bed.

I take out my sage green silk gown and light a candle, illuminating my room with the scent of delicately roasted marshmallows. The reverberation of water from the bathroom startled me. Everyone's asleep. Who could it be? I don't second guess anything, and turn the corner, candle in hand, and nothing in the bathroom seemed out of place. I quickly turn the tap off, and run to bed, terrified of what could possibly be lurking in the dark.

I open my mouth to form words, but they catch in my throat, fear coursing through my veins. I could feel a hand firmly press against my lips, feeling the outline of my teeth against them. An arm snaked around my waist and pulled me into a room. The darkness washed over me and my eyes didn't have time to adjust to the change of lighting.

"Thought you could get rid of me that easily?" The voice was husky and light; a glorious mix. The arm drew me in tighter, where there was no space between the stranger and I, "You'd have to kill me in order to do so."

"Watch your mouth, or I might just do so." I could feel the rising and falling of his chest with every breath he took, like the waves of the Mediterranean Sea. My heart skipped several beats, feeling almost as though it had stopped completely, when his hand jumped from my mouth to my throat, cutting off my windpipe. I grasped at his hand, in immediate need of air. He loosened it faintly and spun me around in his arms, shoving me against the armoire with awful tenderness, careful not to make a sound.

"Now, Blayne, please keep your mouth shut, or I might just have to find another use for it."

I swatted at his chest and moved around him. "You're a sick, sick man, you know that, right?"

"Oh, but you love it, don't you?" His chuckle was carefree, his spirit lifted, and I could see it vividly. The light in his eyes had returned and his smile was genuine, unlike the mask he usually wore. Alexithymia washed over her, and she'd never seen this side of him; almost as if he was livsnjutare again, before everything his parents put him through. Both arms wrapped around my lower back and the heat radiating off of him causing goosebumps to travel up her spine, and chills to completely take over her body.

"You have no idea." His fingers dug into my thighs and he lifted me like I weighed nothing, walking to the desk in the corner of the room. The touch of wood was cool and sharp and a gasp took every bit of air out of my body.

He hovered over me, his breath was warm and caressed my ear, bright red from the cold. "You have no idea what you do to me, do you, Blayne Carver?" The open mouthed kisses he gave me behind my ear and neck drove me mad. My eyes fluttered closed and his fingers lifted my chin to face him completely. "Look at me."

"I-I... Please Cayden." I battled with his hand, trying to free myself from his vice like grip.

"Look. At. Me. Now."

I said fuck it to my nerves, almost getting the best of me, and faced him. I felt a change in the atmosphere and I could sense Cayden's reaction to it; his grip softened, but stayed firmly planted on my waist and thighs, exposed by the slip's straps slowly falling off my shoulder, exposing what looked like miles of my skin. The luminescence radiated off my skin and made me look a pale shade of blue. Him, on the other hand, was ill-lit; the darkness engulfing every feature, but the moonlight cast shadows on him in such a way, that I was in a trance. His jawline was firm-set and sharp, and his eyes. Oh, his cool and glorious vale-green eyes. They'd be the death of me one day or the other. They stared into the depths of my soul demanding an answer, when no question was asked, and I was immediately lost in them. The pure thought of waking up every morning, staring into them, while I was blessed to be the happiest woman alive allowed me to crave the future even more. No matter what, nothing could possibly get in the way of what we were; two two teenagers in love. You, dumb, and blinded by love, but I couldn't care. He was the only important thing in my life, keeping me together.

"Hey Blayne, I know it's late and all, but I really need you to look over my essay. Yes, I know it's two in the morning and that your parents are asleep, but I really need you to- OH MY GOD."

"Jordeyn! Hi! Um, I didn't know you would be here."

"Yes, evidently. But it's fine. I looked over Cayden's essay, and he needs some help too. Well not some, more like a shit ton, but you get the memo."

"Jordeyn, I'm spending time with the one girl who I can spend my bank account on coffee for. Please, for the final time, stop obsessing over my essay and I."

"Well great. Thanks for putting in such simple terms, really. I'm pretty fucking fond of it. I just thought that you'd like to be informed that you did the essay completely wrong, therefore Ms. Merrit reading it, and you failing the class and her making fun of you in front of everyone for the second time this week."

"And how did I do it wrong?" His voice rose with every word, obviously displeased. His fingers dug into thighs and waist, trying to keep himself composed and not lash out on Jordeyn, small and exhausted, framed in the doorway.

"You didn't do it in the proper format, there's no citations, and theres no textual evidence. You basically wrote a persuasive essay, with the persuasive. It's honestly not even a fucking essay, so please. For once in your life, do something correctly and rewrite it."

His smile faltered and his eyes showed his mind shutting down. He despised being called a failure, and especially by those closest to him. "Get out."

"What? No. This is Blayne's house. Only she or her parents can kick me out."

"I said, get the fuck out. Want to hear it in french? Foutre le camp. Now, get out."

"Bite my ass."


	13. Pardon

Jordeyn

____________________________________________________________

"Bite my ass." Those words. Those damned words left my mouth too early, and my hand has never flown to my mouth so quickly.

"I'm sorry?"

I wondered why I was afraid of him - Cayden Marx. The worst he could do was scare me by telling me he'd get his parents, but he'd never do that. He knew I was the only one, along with Blayne, that knew of what they did to him. "Bite. My. Ass."

He sniggered, but it wasn't just any snigger. This one was sinister, "Watch what you say." I watched as he pressed his fingers into Blayne's thighs one last time, before shoving a finger in my face.

"Or you'll do what?" My face formed into one of false disgust, teasing him slightly, and swatting his hand away. My attempt at shoving him aside was unsuccessful, and resulted with him grabbing my wrist with such force, that a crack emitted through the hall. I screamed out of fright, rather than pain, but that only made his grip tighter. I could feel his rings pressing into my wrist, and another hand grabbed me by the roots of my hair and dragged me outside, and throwing me in the snow; coldness seeping down to my bones.

"Are you trying to kill me?" My teeth were chattering and I could see bruises already forming on my wrist.

"You know? I wouldn't mind it. Since you always seem to pick a fight with everyone, how about you show me that you can handle it. At this rate, I think you already know you won't have friends in the end to help you." I gazed at him with emptiness. My brain wasn't able to process anything. I thought it was the coldness' doing, but I couldn't even remember my own name. Strange?

"I'm sorry."

"Don't play dumb, Jorde. You heard what I-"

"No. I mean I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you that way, especially when all you guys have done for me is make sure I'm safe and not doing stupid shit."

And all he did was laugh. The son of a bitch laughed at me, after I admitted I was wrong. "You think that that's going to get you out of this? How naive, exactly, do you think I'd have to be to fall for that? You chose this for yourself-"

"Myself? My. Self! You really think that I want to fight you? I can't even defend myself against Viktor. Vik-tor. He acts like he gives two shits about me, but in reality, he wouldn't even double take someone's words if they said I was dead or kidnapped. Just please understand, he doesn't care."

"Who doesn't care about what?"

"You have to be fucking kidding me," my breath barely above a whisper. "Hey, Vik, how are ya?" I hated this: putting on a bright and cheery appearance just so he doesn't lose his shit. He's twenty for God's sake. He needs to learn how to take care of situations without flipping out.

"Why so cheery, Sweetheart? Did you finally warm up to me?" he chuckled; God, I hated that chuckle - low, seductive, and implying all evil be brought forth to everyone around him. His eyes softened when he met my eyes, set on him, and demanding. He reached forward to move a stray strand of hair. I wanted... no, knew, that I should move away from him, stopping the risk of any physical contract.

But I didn't.

It was the first of many mistakes I knew I'd make around him. I knew for a matter of many factors, that this would be the first of several mistakes I made around him. I tried to shy away from his touch, but instead I stiffened. His calloused fingers grazed my cheek. I saw in his eyes that he felt and saw a tinge of pick kiss my cheeks, and retreated slowly, grazing the corner of my lips; subtle enough where Cayden wouldn't see or be suspicious.

"You think too highly of yourself."

"Now, now, Jorde, you don't have to lie. You're the one who thinks too highly of me."

"You sick bastard." I swatted his hand away and stumbled back, feeling a strong chest behind me. Before I could react, turn around, or defend myself, an arm is immediately around my throat, constricting any passageway for air to reach my lungs - dry and tight.

"Watch where you're going, or your ass is mine."

I grappled at his arm, "Cayden, please. Let go... need air... now." I spluttered; the lack of oxygen doing strange things to my vision and stars to form behind my eyes.

"You talk to me like that again, and you'll be a dead woman walking." Tossing me into the snow, the ice pushing against my skull.

I tried standing, but it was no use. The world spun around me and I felt firm hands grab my shoulders; hoisting me up, he drapes my arm around his shoulder like a crutch, "You're fucking kidding me. You hurt her, her son of a bitch."

"Oh please. Even I know you don't care about what happens to her. She told me herself. She already believes that you wouldn't give a double take if someone said that she got killed or kidnapped. By the way, that's word for word-"

"Stop talking. Neither one of you knows what you're talking about. I would die to save her. And yes, the only reason why I'm saying this now, is because she's unconscious and won't know, nor remember what we're arguing about right now. So, to save time, I suggest that you go back inside, and explain to your girlfriend or whoever she is what you did to Jordeyn."

"Like I'm-"

"Now."

"Absolutely not. And if you didn't know, our four year anniversary is in three months, so I would definitely suggest you get accustomed to us being together more often."

"Please, for the love of God, don't tell me you're thinking about proposing. You're going to the Academy in eight months."

"I don't intend on proposing until I graduate and get a stable job, because I'm responsible that way. Unlike you, who sleeps with every girl he gets the chance wi-"

"If you dare finish that sentence I swear. I will either murder you, or tell Jordeyn everything that's happening."

"Go ahead. Act like the hero for all I care. Just know, you show the act of being caring in a very strange way,"

"Don't tell me how I can or cannot express my-"

"Vik?" My voice was dry, head pounding, and I swear on my grave, I thought we were inside for split second. That is, until a fresh fallen snowflake landed on my lashes, reminding me of where I was. The strong scent of cologne clogged my senses, dizzying me more, and I pushed against the figure holding me up and stumbled away. I could see their silhouettes dancing along the sidewalk, and a medium tall human laid a finger against my lips, willing me not to scream.

"Please, Jordeyn, don't make a sound."

"Cayden don't touch her."

All of it came back at once, crushing me like a rock. The fight with Cayden, him physically hurting me to the point of me possibly having a concussion, and Viktor helping me up and protecting me. Why had I ever thought he didn't care about me? He never talked to me unless it was in a somewhat flirtatious manner, and he hated the thought of me comforting anyone especially if his name was Azyriah Smith.

"Jorde, you make the choice."

They both stared, waiting for a reply.

"Cayden, I love you. I know that you know that. But you lost the privilege to call me 'Jorde' when you decided that I was to fight you. So please, let me go."

"Jordeyn you can't possibly mean-"

"Oh, believe me Cayden Marx. When I say I don't want you near me, I mean every single word of it."

When I walked past him he didn't try to stop me. He didn't even grab my arm out of protest. With tears in his eyes, I could feel him watch me walk every step towards Viktor, almost stumbling on my feet. I felt his arms take me in and picked me up bridal style. I didn't protest, lash out, or kick against him to put me down, but instead I savored the natural warmth radiating off his body, allowing it seep into my skin and warming the chilled bone and muscle beneath it. His heart beat in time with his steps, and the last thing I remember was him whispering something about a promise. A promise, that no matter what, he'd change. He'd change for the better, he'd change for those around him, but something about his speech stayed with me, and never left; he said... no... promised, that he'd change for me. The fear of losing anyone else so dear and close to my heart hurt. At that moment, I didn't care if it was a truth or lie. I savored the feeling of a promise made to keep me safe. And for the first time in what I thought was to be forever, the feeling of safety was prominent.

_____________

I woke up some time later, an ache pounding against my skull. I groaned as my body collapsed, trying to get in a somewhat sitting position. The situation felt similar, just without and boys arguing; I just couldn't put my finger on it.

I tried to call out for anyone, but when my mouth opened, a small croak, rather than words, came out of my mouth.

"Good. You're awake." He walked in and propped himself on the edge of the bed - far away enough that I wouldn't be uncomfortable or move away from the sight of him. A gash, about two inches in length, was bleed profusely just above his cheekbone. I could tell my the strange gray tint around the wound, that he had tried to stop the bleeding: most likely by wiping it with a dirty rage.

I issued him to come closer so I could take a look. Of course, he refused. "Viktor Xavier. Come over here right now and let me see the cut." My voice cracked, making me sound like I'd been crying for years without a break.

"It's not as bad as it looks Jorde. I'm fine, really."

"Shush. You're not fine, so come over here before I take my breakfast knife, which by the way you gave me, and I might just make the cut worse."

"You really need to calm down, you know that, right?"

I swatted at his arm as he moved closer, his laugh light and bright. I never realized how much I enjoyed the sound. Of pure laughter coming from someone who'd be leaving to go to the Academy with Cayden. Cayden. The ass of a man who probably did this to him. I sat up as straight as my body allowed me and leaned forward slightly, taking his jaw in my hand and moving his face to hit the light. "It's filthy. What'd you use to clean it?"

"Nothing but a rag."

"Of course." Annoyance leaked into my voice and I could tell he heard by the way his shoulders and jaw stiffened. I moved his head around slightly, "relax. Or it's gonna hurt even more than it already will." I reached into the cabinet my bed and pulled out a bottle of hard alcohol.

"Please tell me you haven't been drinking again."

"You, sir, have no right to tell me what I can and cannot put in my body. If I wanted to begin sword swallowing and you opposed, I'd do it anyways just to spite you."

"I know. And that, Jordeyn Matthews, is what I love most about you."

I stared at him in shock. The words that came out of his mouth startled me.

Did he just say he loved me?

"What'd you just say?"

"That I knew you'd do sword swallowing if I opposed..."

"No. After that."

I could see the gears turned in his head, and I could see in his eyes when he realized what he had said, "Now Jordeyn, you know I mean it in a friendly way." He was embarrassed. The bastard was embarrassed! I grinned, trying to suppress my laughter, but it was no use. I burst out laughing doubling in half, tears threatening to spill out from pure happiness. I gained my composure after some time, and he was still staring at me like I had just swallowed a fish bone whole. He was mortified, but I could see amusement dance across his features.

"Don't deny it. You love me." I sang, hitting his arm playfully with every word. He rolled his eyes and stood.

"If you're done with breakfast, I'll take the tray."

"No. I'm not done just yet. Why don't you sit and eat with me?"

"Why?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you love me!" I could see he had had enough of my bullshit. He took long, powerful strides towards my side of the bed and I scurred across to the other side, grabbing a pillow for protection. The second mistake I'd make around him. A high pitched scream left my body as I crouched on the floor, his body soaring over the bed and landing up on his feet, not shaken by the hard landing. I could see nothing in hand, and being the dumbass I am, I put the pillow behind my head and rolled into a ball on my side - twisting my back so I could face him.

The blood had dried under his eye, and a cold sweat was breaking just above his brow. He stepped over me: one leg on either side of me, and leaned his hands on his knees. "Don't make me hurt you."

"Where is this coming from?"

"You should already know. If you dare or even think that I'll allow you to tell anyone, and I mean anyone, you're dead."

"Viktor, you do realize I'm not property. I'm a human being."

"Don't even talk like that. You're mine, and you should know; I don't like sharing things that are mine."

"I'm not a thing, and I'm most definitely not yours. You hate me. And quite honestly, I can't blame you." His black pupils took over his eyes, making him seem demonic in a way; I loved it. At this point, I didn't mind if he provoked me. I wanted a reason to hurt him, and this argument is what would get me there.

"Oh, please. You don't mean tha-"

"Oh. Viktor Frazier. You bet your ass I mean it. After all, Azyriah and I had a miscellaneous hook up a few days ago. No protection, no birth control, no nothing"

"You do realize he's too old for you, right?"

"You two are the same fucking age. Shut the fuck up before I shove the bottle down your throat." The third mistake I'd make around him.

His feet didn't move, but he dropped to the floor, squatting on top of me, hands on either side of my head, encaging me beneath him. I was unsuccessful at my attempt to slide under him and weave my head out of his arms, but his knee came in contact with my hip bone; eliciting a small gasp and all the air to leave my body once more.

"Vik-Viktor... what are - are you?" His hand snaked from the side of my head and around my throat, giving a small squeeze. My eyes fluttered closed involuntarily and I opened my mouth to sigh, letting out the breath I thought I was holding, but I could feel my chest rise and fall rapidly.

And my eyes opened at the feeling of a circular, cold, metal object touch my temple.

"Sh, sh, sh. It's okay. Everything will be alright," he cooed. What the fuck? He never cooed. Viktor Frazier was not a coo-er. "As long as you stay silent and don't move a muscle." And the gun cocked.


	14. Mine

Viktor

____________________________________________________________

I could feel her squirm under my body, gun in right, left right next to her head, forbidding her to move. I gently pressed the barrel of the gun against her temple and watched her honey-brown eyes fly open in shock, her mouth open, chest heaving. "Sh, sh, sh. It's okay. Everything will be alright, as long as you stay still," and I cocked the gun. Right away, her body went tense. I stared into her eyes, feeling a smirk play across my face.

"Vik - Viktor... what are - are you do... ing?" God. How could she not see what her saying my name and speaking that way does to me? I could listen to her all day; her voice thick and sweet like honey, but raspy and dark like the sound of alcohol taking over your voice the next morning. I'd heard that voice in her too many times in the past; thankfully, after her alcohol poisoning, she got help and went to rehab a month after the war ended.

"God, Jordeyn. You have no idea what you're doing to me." My thumb grazed her jawline, feeling the strength of it beneath my fingertip. Strong and defined; the very meaning of her soul - taking nothing from anyone around her. She didn't need any of us. She had herself, and she knew that she was enough for herself: independent, and strong-willed.

Just like Jay.

Everything hit me like a boulder, threatening to suffocate me alive. I felt my hands tremble, and I my arms began to shake and go weak. I let the gun drop, as the sound of metal on wood echoed around the room and felt a hot sweat and cold chill dance down my spine. The room spun like a carousel on overdrive, and I could feel my breakfast threaten to reak havoc on the floor. I felt Jordeyn shift under me, and this time, I didn't stop her. She sat up quickly, not shaken by anything despite having a loaded gun pointed at her just seconds before.

"Viktor. Viktor look at me, please. Please look at me." She encased my face with her hands, forcing me to look at her.

My chest still rose and fell rapidly with every strangled breath.

"Breathe. You need to breathe." My arms gave out on me as I collapsed into her lap facing the ceiling. I felt her firmly grip my shoulders and torso, helping me shift to my side, and her legs moving out from beneath me. And out of nowhere, her soft touch was gone. I scrambled for her hand - wherever it may be.

"Jor - Jordeyn... Where are - are y - you? Help... please... now..."

Her arms wrapped around me, cocooning me in her warmth and peace. My still raced like I just ran a marathon, but slowly, oh so slowly, I could feel it calming down and beating in time with hers as if we were one body, mind, and soul. "I'm here. And I'm not leaving you."

Those were the last words I remember before my eyes danced shut; the darkness engulfing me in its arms.

My mind is blank.

I remember nothing prior to whatever happened minutes... no, hours, before my eyes - lead heavy - tried to open, letting the rays of the morning sun kiss my mind. The weight of the comforter was relaxing and welcoming, and her arms. Her arms were the only thing keeping me from lashing out and panicking; they lace around my waist, and I could feel her soft breath against my back. Carefully, as not to wake her, I shifted in her soft grip, threading my arm under her neck, and moved her, so her head lay on my chest. I ran my fingers through her black hair, shining golden brown where the rays hit her. I wondered if her hair fascinated me because it appeared the same shade as mine, but no. Hers was unique; the darkest of brown, where in the shadows of the trees it was a prepossessing shade of black, but in the light of the sun and angels, she appeared goddess like - her hair shining different shades of gold and pale brown. Her lips, perfect, soft, and full, were parted and a soft snore escaped her nose. Everything about her was perfect. I wondered when I had developed a soft spot for her. No one ever had received that privilege.

And if I break her?

I couldn't. It was as simple as that. A soul as broken as hers could shatter in a matter of seconds if she weren't handled with enough care. She'd been through too much and it was my fault. Even Jay had told me not to tell her about the family situation. But of course, I had to be the 'hero' and ruin it all for her. I was the cause of her sadness, the cause of her family's death, and the cause of everything wrong and evil in her life. The unbearable weight was slowly coming back, and my hands began shaking rather violently.

Now I thought it wouldn't get better and the weight of all my wrongdoings would get the best of me, the scent of honey and smoke filled my senses. Her scent. I closed my eyes, taking massive breaths of air. I felt her shift and roll onto her side of the bed, her hair in all directions, soft lashes shut firmly over her eyes, and her breaths calm and quiet.

How could one be so perfect?

I didn't know the answer, and I probably never would. But nothing mattered. I knew it and hopefully, so did she; I loved her. I loved her as my own, loved her as my equal, and loved her as someone who i would never let escape my grasp. She didn't realize the things she made me feel, and it was gut wrenching. But the only thing she did need to know, is that no matter what, I'd protect her like family.

I creeped out of bed, taking small, minimalistic steps, carefully moving so the bed didn't bounce back from the loss of my weight too forcefully. I took the tray on her bedside and stalked to the kitchen. I could hear Jay talking to someone in the kitchen, but I don't remember him telling me that we'd have guests over. And that's when I saw him.

The song of a bitch who had pursued the purest soul of the six of us.


	15. Discuss

Azyriah

____________________________________________________________

"No. I don't intend on letting her anywhere out of my sight."

"I understand you want to protect her, Jay, I really do. But she isn't your sister and now she knows. She doesn't trust anyone anymore, and I'm not going to lie, I can't blame her, and it hurts. I've tried my best to help you raise her, but she was both too young and old to understand that she might also be going to the Academy in a few years.

"You know that not one of us - Blayne, Cayden, Viktor, and I - want this for her. She has too much to offer in the world, and hopefully a bright and brilliant future without the dread of putting her life in danger, protecting a city that won't even give two glances in her direction, care about what she's doing fo them, or the fear of disappointing you.

"You're the youngest highest ranking guard in centuries. She feels she isn't going to do well enough to satisfy you, thanks to the lies you've told her all your life."

"Azyriah. My God, you know that I'll care for her no matter what even though things are complicated. Yes, I understand she may not have talked to me for a few months ever since she found out, but that won't change the love I feel for her. She is my sister by soul, love and breath. Not blood. Please realize, blood never means family. Cayden is a prime example - he despises his family; they've never cared for him and they never will-"

"They see him a failure and we're the ones who carried him out of the hopeless ditch. By no means am I saying you're like them, but realize Jordeyn cannot break for she is falling down the path from her past once again. I don't want her to lose hope and give up. She means too much to me - us - I can't let her lose herself again. I just... It can't... please - I need... I-"

The pressure in my chest increased: like the weight of a million suns burning through my chest, threatening to eat me alive. Tears stabbed my eyes and my breath hitched in my chest, allowing no release and the tears falling down my face. The feeling of weakness killed me. Forever, have I tried to appear stronger than I truly am, but never, has the feeling gotten to me this badly.

"What gotten into you?"

This asshole. Why. Why did he just have to simply exist? His breathing alone was enough to provoke me and throw a chair at his head. I'd done it before - breaking his arm, ribs, leg and all.

"Fuck. Off." My breathing was astonishingly not shaken, in comparison to my hand, which was gripping my pants - soft, sky blue corduroy - rather harshly to prevent my entire arm from shaking. Never in my life, has Viktor Frazier appeared more punchable.

"I'm going to be completely honest with you, Az. I should be the one angry with you, since it was you who decided it'd be best to pursue her."

"I- What the fuck are you talking about? You know for a fact that I would never, in my life, take advantage of someone, or try to do anything with them without their consent. It should be you, who we're worried about considering what happened a little over a year ago-"

"Are you still hung up over that? My God. How shallow do you have to possibly be to-"

"Don't go calling me shallow, when I respect women, instead of trying to fuck her soul out against the wall. I mean yeah, if my future significant other wanted that I wouldn't complain, but if she wanted to take it slow, I'm perfectly happy with that, for her comfort around me, is more important than anything else in the world."

"Then please, explain freely, what Jordeyn was talking about when she said you had a 'miscellaneous hook-up.' Inlighten me."

I was in utter disbelief. Did he really think I'd go that low - take someone's innocence when they were most vulnerable? "I'm sorry, but I think you're referring to yourself. I, most definitely will never, in my life, sink as low as you have."

"Oh please, those past times were mutual. We were both at a low point-"

"And you still think that's okay?"

"Well, yeah. I guess; It's not like it was non-consensual."

"What exactly did you say to Jordeyn before she told you about this 'hook-up?"

"That she was mine, and no one else could have."

His ass was mine; I could guarantee that. He can't go around claiming women, especially when he can't keep a stable relationship with someone for more than a week. He knew this. I know he did. I turned, my back facing him, and my eyes staring at the blank space on the wall. I processed whatever he said, and all of a sudden, everything clicked into place. She had created what was soon to be a rumor, in order to protect herself against Viktor - her friend - and it had worked. It took her saying we were together for a night just so he would do whatever he was planning.

"You know what, yes. She and I did hook up, and it was intentional, not miscellaneous. It's also the thought of her having to tell you that we did end up doing it so you didn't pressure her into anything. She's your friend, Viktor. Your. Friend. She has a right to feel safe around you and reach out to you if she needs anything, and right now, she can't. Because she has to live with the fear that if she does, you're going to push yourself onto her, making her believe it's going to make everything better. But in reality, you know it won't. You just want her body. Not her kindness or care for everyone around her or the will she has to live her life to the fullest and take no shit from those around her."

His face turned a deep maroon, rage filling his eyes, jaw and neck. He'd snap soon, and I wanted him to. I needed a reason to ram his head into the wall and walk away without a second glance, but he didn't. He took a rather large, unsteady breath, and turned to walk up the stairs, most likely to his room.

I was grateful, but my nerves had to be calmed somehow. Blayne always recommended coffee, so grabbing a cup - decaf - I added milk and creamer with no sugar.

I liked the bitterness. It was weird. The strange sting of the grounds coating my tastebuds sent a type of satisfying energy to course through me, immediately taking the migraine that was slowly building to leave. It wasn't something that I experienced often, but it was amazing. My eyes shut, savoring whatever the coffee was doing to me. But of course, a loud crash came from upstairs, ruining my time trying to calm down. Footsteps ran down the stairs, but thinking it was Jay, I stayed put. But no. It just had to be Viktor.

"What the fuck do you want now? It's not like I can take back my actions." taking the cup in both hands and swirling the drink around, watching rings form on the sides.

"No, but I can knock you into next year." Immediately, my eyes darted up and eyed him up and down - a metal bat around his shoulder, and a brick in his other hand.

"You're going to knock my head in with a bat and brick? Really Viktor, what do I need to give you in order to make you happy?" And of course, the next words flew out of mouth too quickly, "parents?" And the line was crossed. His rage was feral, and a predatory growl emitted form the back of his throat. Out of pure defense, I threw the coffee cup at him, nearly hitting his head and watching a dark stain appear on the cupboards behind him. Red edged his eyes and he easily stepped around the table in three swift steps, and darted for me.

Out of instinct, I ran to Jordeyn's room, knowing he'd have to be quiet, but it was Viktor we were talking about. The door banged open, and immediately, I went as close to Jordeyn as I could, using her as a shield, knowing he probably wouldn't attempt anything.

"Get out of bed and end this how you started it." I tried to contain my laughter at the sight of him just standing there yelling in a loud whisper.

Gently shaking her, I knew she was in a deep sleep - no response. "You really want me to? After I broke your ribs, arm, and leg? You can't even stand properly. You're always propped on something when you are," motioning to the bat he was leaning on.

"That's beside the point. I want to watch your face as I pound your skull in."

I laughed. All I could do was laugh at the absurd suggestion. He really thought he could walk away after saying shit like this? I'd burn myself alive before giving into whatever game he was now playing.

"Stop laughing."

I just couldn't.

"I said stop. Laughing."

"I can't. Isn't that obvious?" The words coming out ragged and breathless in between fits of laughter.

Out of nowhere, the bat came down near near my leg and I jumped towards the headboard. "What the fuck? Are you trying to kill me?"

"No. Just trying to start a fight."

"That's pretty evident." And I walk over to him, pride and self-assurance leaking out of every pore in my body.

"So, you're now confident enough to do it?"

"No." And grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, he threw him out of the room, and barred the door with a chair under the handle. Ignoring his ceaseless attempts at re-entering, slipping off my shoes and laying under the covers, lacing my arm carefully under Jordeyn's pillow and waist, breathing in her calm scent, and falling asleep to the silent pattering of our heartbeats.


	16. Betrayal

Through the eyes of everyone

____________________________________________________________

Jordeyn ~

It was like any other day. All five of us stuck in History class bored out of our minds. I didn't know what Ms. Merrit was droning on and on about; probably some play script she had read during the break, but I could already tell the remaining thirty minutes of this class were going to be pure hell.

"Please, tell me, Ms. Matthews. What is more important than paying attention in class?" This bitch. This heinous bitch really has the audacity to call me out when my family - or who I thought was my family - has done nothing but protect everyone of Pento.

"Anything, Ms. Merrit, anything in the world is more important than whatever you're talking about." A few gasps emitted around the room and Azyriah and Cayden stared at me like I'd all of a sudden told the king to fuck off: wide eyed, and mouths agape.

"Detention. After school, until 5 PM-"

"I can't. I have practice. How 'bout some other time?"

"Make it today and same time and day next week. Now, are you done?"

"Whatever. I hope you're happy." Rolling my eyes and turning my head towards the window, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. Turning my head sharply, I scan Ms. Merrit's bookshelf. Seeing the same leather-bound notebook as I had a year-and-a-half ago, a sound - similar to a dry sob - left my throat

"Once again, is everything okay, Ms. Matthews?" I stared at her wide eyed, and attempted to nod my head yes. Instead, I shoved my seat back harshly, collected my books, and ran out of the room.

Turning a corner rather absent-mindedly, my head down, not wanting any attention drawn to the tears streaming down my face. My books clattered to the floor, several million thoughts coursing through my blood and veins, and my forehead meeting a broad, muscular chest.

"Watch it, sweetheart."

Shit.

Why did I have to see him now, when I'd just seen whatever I saw in that classroom?

"Don't tell me what to do." My voice was thick as honey and dry like wine. His hand curled around my chin and attempted to force my face to his, but I quickly withdrew, immediately regretting my decision. The concern on his face was awfully genuine.

"Hey, hey, hey... What's wrong? Talk to me." Grabbing my jaw rather aggressively, his rings leaving indents in my skin, despite his kind words. My eyes shut, embarrassed by the fact that I was crying, "open." I hesitated. "I said open them. Now." I unfurled my eyes, the tears reflecting the light off them, staring daggers into his dark, somewhat demented eyes; the entrance to his intoxicated soul.

"What."

"Tell me."

"Journal."

"Use your fucking words."

"If you tell me what to do one more time, I swear to God, Viktor, I'll slap you so hard across the face your head swill do a three sixty."

"You wouldn't dare," his voice suddenly filled with aggression. "Because you know exactly what I'll do if you do."

His eyes darkened and his jaw was set firmly. His grip tightened around my jaw, not faltering, and I could feel the shift in energy around us.

"Where."

"Ms. Merrit's room. On her shelf." It hit. I hated this feeling; the tears coursing like a river down my face, leaving stains and the feeling of all hope and love gone from the universe to enter every pore in my body. Viktor embraced me, his arms softening, and his grip moving to my waist holding me closer than we ever have before. His fingers ran lightly against my spine, sending a ghost like chill through my body. I wanted to pull away and knew that I should, but I couldn't. He was magnetic. I was his as much as he was mine. He pulled away, enough for him to look down on me searching for more.

"Now, Jordeyn, go back into the classroom and take the journal." He began to walk away as I stared at him in shock.

"I'm sorry, but did I also mention I now have two detentions with her? Do you want me to have them for the rest of my life, because I know I sure as hell don't."

"I told you to-" I was pissed. Did he really think he could tell me what to do? I mean yeah, he was two years older than me, but that didn't mean shit to me. If he wanted me to do something, then he'd have to give me something in return.

"You don't fucking own me, jackass." I screamed it at the top of my lungs, and I could see him stiffen. "You don't own me, I don't owe you shit, and I don't understand where you got the impression that I have to retrieve something, that can evidently tie back to who killed Castillo, and we both know who it'll be. My finger prints aren't on it, and when they find out who's they are, I'm not going to do shit to stop it from happening. Believe me, Viktor Xavier Frazier. You have no clue what lengths I'd go to see you suffer-"

I was taken aback by the swiftness of the kiss.

His lips were wanting, demanding more, and I knew this was wrong.

Then why did it feel so right?

My arms threaded around the back of his neck, and his came to the back of mine, gripping my hair as if trying to keep me grounded to the earth, when mentally I was floating away from all the wretchedness in the world. His hands came to my thigh, digging into me, demanding me to jump. I wrapped my legs around his waist and the feeling of the cold wall seeped to my bones; earning a deep groan to escape my lips. His kiss was feverish, devouring the sound and my breathing hitched as his hand snaked to my throat giving a subtle squeeze.

I could feel his other hand dart under the hem of my shirt and came to my breast, palming them lightly, rolling the peaked nipple through my lace bra. I quiet moan left my lips as I threw my head back, his lips quickly attacking the sensitive spot on my neck. Another moan left my lips - a little too loudly - and his hand left my throat, quickly shoving his fingers in my mouth, muffling the noises escaping my lips.

He pulled away abruptly and I cried from the loss of his warm lips. His pupils were blown, eating is iris', and his lips were flushed and swollen.

"I promise, that whatever happens between the two of us and Castillo's diary, whatever happens, I will not allow them to hurt you or take you. Do you understand me."

Unable to form words, I nodded. His lips met mine once again, but this time, it was different. This time, it was promising; like the one he had made those many weeks ago to change for the good and the better. "I can't loose you." He mumbled against my lips, "I can't. Not after everything."

"Vik-Viktor... Pl-please."

"Don't stutter darling. Use your words."

I rolled my eyes, now annoyed at his words. "Fu-fuck... me th-then."

"What was that?"

I pushed against his chest, enough so we'd still be flush against each other, but far enough where I could look up into his eyes and speak, "fuck me."

Cayden ~

"What happened in history class?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes, Jordeyn. Why else would I be asking."

"Maybe because you're a prick and can't keep your nose in your own business."

"Don't talk to me that way Matthews."

"Bite my ass, Marx."

I saw Viktor turn sharply towards her and gave her a questioning smirk, "you know that's my job, right?"

"Once again, Frazier. You don't own me and I don't owe you shit."

"Watch it sweetheart, or I might just take you on this table in front of the entire school."

"Do it. No balls." My eyes flew wide as his hand met her throat, a challenging smirk floating across his features.

"Watch me." She rolled her eyes slapping his hand away and shifted in her seat sifting her food around on her plate.

"Well that was interesting." A million thoughts pounded in my head. But one in particular was eating away at me.

"Blayne?"

"Yes?"

"Why haven't I seen you with a cup of coffee at all this week? It's Friday, and I haven't seen a single coffee cup in your hand."

"My parents are getting concerned about my mental health and addiction to it, so they're taking away any source of caffeine. I mean yeah, the withdrawal sucks, but I'm alive and living."

"You decide now to stop consuming caffeine?"

"Uh... yeah. Is there a problem with it?"

"Just interesting that you decide now above all days to quit."

"What has gotten into you? Is it not enough that I'm giving up something that I physically need to function? It's like you and your pens. You can't get enough of them and it's also concerning. So don't attack me for the shit that I put in my body."

"Whatever." Annoyance coursed through every syllable that spilled out of my mouth. But the thing that fed it, were their stares. The raw and pure audacity they had to stare at me made me want to punch every one of them in the face and cave their skulls in. But we were in school. And it wouldn't look good on my application to the Academy. And all my life depended on was going to the Academy. Nothing else. Viktor, Azyriah, Jordeyn, and Blayne didn't matter to me anymore. Only the Academy, and they needed to know. But I couldn't put them through all the pain when I was leaving in only a few months.

I knew that it was wrong, but the next words that came out of my mouth were ones I knew could never be taken back, no matter how many times I apologized.

"Just fuck off, leave me alone, and stay out of my life."

"You know what, Marx? You didn't have to tell me twice."

"Azyriah, no... wait... STOP!"

"Why? You obviously don't want me, or any other one of us to be with you anymore. So enjoy the last few months while you still have them." I watched him turn on his heels, his shoulders shaking from what could be anger, tears, or laughter, but it hurt all the same. I'd lost the person who I could always go to, and feel somewhat connected because of our similar childhoods. I watched as his back became smaller and smaller, until all at once, he disappeared. From my view, my life, but not my heart; no.

He would never leave my heart, but the feeling of loss was great and deep. An ice pick had jabbed my heart, but it only cracked - it was set like stone - and it pounded against my chest. I frantically looked at everyone else sitting with me, but their heads were bowed avoiding all eye contact like I was some evil monster. "Please." I croaked. My voice was dry and scratched against my throat. Tears threatened the corners of my eyes. Blayne wrote something and when I bent over her shoulder, she stood swiftly and headed to her next class. Viktor and Jordeyn were eying each other in a secretive manner, before leaving - Viktor's arm hanging over her shoulders. I was left there alone and nakedly vulnerable, staring at the table before the tears took over.

The rest of the day was per say usual, except for the usual diner meetup we all had after school to discuss homework and what-not. I didn't want that to stop, so hoping and praying that none of them were there, I drove through the town, Christmas lights being taken down, and preparations for the upcoming eleven months underway.

Pulling up in the parking lot, I was greeted by the four of them sitting around a table in a booth drinking their milkshakes and eating their burgers. Blayne's journal sitting on the window sill.

What had she been writing?

I thought it best not to go in there and demand answers, but rather go to her house and investigate. Thankfully, her parents weren't home, so I wouldn't have to explain why she wasn't with me.

I knew she always had a key under the doormat, and I quickly ran to her room. Candles decorating every shelf and books scattered across the floor. I dug through drawers, under bed, behind books, in her closet, but of course, there it was, sitting on her pillow - the journal I'd given to her two years ago for her birthday.

I've always admired the notebook - it's golden engravings, planets and stars decorating the cover with blue-black velvet in the background making it appear as if it were eating away at the universe surrounding it. I wouldn't mind taking it back if it wasn't in use, but knowing Blayne, it'd shatter her heart; and it was already because of me.

Flipping through the pages, there was nothing in the beginning. But towards the middle, I was met with an envelope overflowing with paper. Curiosity got the best of me, and I ripped it open, the letters decorating her bed. Flipping through most of them, none caught my eye, but a few.

Vellichor

To walk in a store,

and view people's lives,

through the books

they have held onto

so dear.

To fall completely in love

with a far-away place,

and people who will never exist,

thus wanting, needing someone

to love us as much as we love them.

Drapetomania

Leave. Go.

We all need to know,

whether staying is truly

the best.

For leaving everything behind,

and travel the world,

appear far more appealing

than us.

Pluviophile

Dance in the rain,

and allow others to see,

your true self and colors

as the mask washes free.

Don't cover your love

for the nature around you,

Mother Nature's tears

kissing your soul.

Give light to the clouds

and let a rainbow emerge,

bringing color into this

lifeless world.

Astrophile

Look at the stars,

my darling child,

and the way the light

kisses your cheek.

Look at the moon,

my charming boy,

as the face smiles

down at your dreams.

Look at the planets,

my smart, little girl,

and the way they revolve

around you.

Look at the space

high above your heads,

and think of the wonders

instead.

Nefelibata

To imagine with your head

floating amongst the clouds,

and envision life without

worry or care.

To be utterly in love

and care about nothing,

but surround yourself

with those who fill you

with anything but fear.

Schwellenangst

To fear the future

and isolate your life,

to the point of

near Extinction.

Leave everyone behind

and think of yourself as a

mere failure -

no one to simply

care,

love, or

pray upon you,

in fear you'll

disappoint them.

My eyes filled with tears at the words that danced in front of my eyes. Never, had I heard such utterly gorgeous words leave her mouth, and never had she spoken to me as she had to the pages in front of her eyes. There was one poem, however, that wasn't as destroyed as the others; most likely written recently. Hesitantly, I unfold the parchment. Tears immediately coursing down my face in a matter of seconds.

My Love

Oh, my dear,

words cannot elucidate the

forelsket I feel

towards you.

My life will forever and always

be incandescent,

for you are

my herieth.

The tears didn't subside, and immediately I regretted my choice of action. I needed them. I needed them all, and I had ruined the only bond that kept me sane. I had no one. My friends - or who used to be my friends - are gone, my parents have no love left for me, and now, my chances of getting into the Academy were slim, nearly impossible.

I wanted to collapse, and lie there whilst dying a slow and painful death. I didn't deserve love, and I already knew I wasn't capable of it. I wondered how Blayne hadn't left me. Azyriah always treated her better than I ever could, and I was jealous. Jealous of how easily he could make those around him laugh, jealous of the way he cared for everyone easily, and most of all, I was jealous of the way he put himself in danger for those around him. I would never be able to be like him, and because of this, I lay on the floor, poem clutched in hand, my tears pooling around my head on the wooden floor beneath me.


	17. It's Better to Love, Rather than Hate

TW: Self-harm

+

Through the lens of the rest

____________________________________________________________

Blayne ~

The sun was setting over the horizon, and we all stared in awe through the shades of the diner. The sky was kissed with shades of deep purple and pale pink: the color of a true love's kiss. The memories from earlier in the day stung, and it took everything I had in me not to burst out crying and concern those around me.

Jordeyn put a quarter in the jukebox, and immediately, "Cigarette Daydreams" was playing. I saw her pull Viktor's arm as he spun her around into an embrace, slowly moving in circles to the beat of the music. I stole a glance at Azyriah, and saw him reading War and Peace.

"You're kidding, right?"

His eyes shot up from the page he was reading, "I'm sorry?"

"War and Peace? Of all books, you chose that?"

"At least there's a meaning behind it, unlike the books you read."

"My books on poetry and fiction are perfectly okay, thank you very much. I've just never seen you read before, that's all." He stared me down, appearing as if he were trying to contemplate my words. He placed a napkin between the pages, and offered me his hand. I stared in utter confusion, not sure why he was doing this, until he tilted his head towards the source of the music. A crooked smile spread across my lips, and I took his extended hand.

He walked by Viktor, spun me around in a circle, and embraced me in a loose hug, leaving a respectful space between us. "I'm always here if you need me, okay?" I looked up at him, silent tears spilling down my face and my lips flushing with heat and embarrassment. It was all wrong. The way he cared for me, the way I received the care, the way I lay my head on his chest as if it was something we did everyday, or the way he kissed the top of my head as an action of giving comfort. I wasn't sure if it was all supposed to happen like this, but it had.

It felt as if time stopped. The rain drummed against the panes in time with our steps and the look in his eyes - nervous, confused, loving, caring - but none of that prepared me for what happened next. His hand - around my waist - pulled me in tighter, our chests flush against each other's, and his warm breath caressing my face. The scent of vanilla radiated off his body and engulfed me in a warm, winter-scented hug. His hands: powerful and soft, cupped my cheek; the pad of his thumb gently wiping the tears that had fallen, and his demeanor changed. Instead of reserved and quiet, he was now vulnerable and desperate. He hesitantly moved his head close, his lips millimeters away mine, and his forehead pressed against the bridge of my nose.

My heart was pounding and I cursed myself to believe he could feel it against his own. My breathing hitched and my chest rose and fell rapidly. "W-we... we can't, Az."

"I know, love. I know."

"But I-"

"Sh..."

His lips covered mine, absorbing the words that were about to be said and the sound of the drumming rain was washed away by the beating of our hearts. It felt like an eternity; an eternity of passion, love, and care. The type of eternity that you knew would never end, no matter how hard you tried.

The kisses became desperate as his tongue ran over the bottom of my lip. His tears mixed with mine, and the taste of salt and love filled my heart. The feeling of wrong-doing filled my lungs threatening to suffocate me, and immediately fresh tears course down my cheeks. Intrusive thoughts course through my head and I pushed away against his chest. I stare at him in shock, contemplating what had just happened, and quickly run out of the diner, immediately drenched from the rain.

"Blayne!"

"Azyriah, please. I can't do this... not now. I can't think about-"

"Then don't." His eyes were desperate and hurt. He wanted this. Little did he know, that I wanted and needed it more than he could even imagine. My mind told me not to; to stay away from him and prevent any bad from happening, but my heart was telling me yes. To run into his arms and shield myself from all the evil in the world. To throw myself in his arms and never let go. Run through a field and forget about everyone around us when running through the rain laughing as if it were our last moments on earth.

But I couldn't.

It was wrong, but it was so, so, desperately right at the same time. All thoughts of Cayden left my mind. I ran to him, clinging to the front of his shirt as if it would keep me from collapsing and breaking for the final time. His arms wrapped around me, not letting go. I felt his chest heave under my head, and the sound of his sobs echoed through my ears. My knees buckled, and he fell with me, cushioning my fall. We lay there in the parking lot crying in each others arms, everyone else gone, and only us as our last resorts.

Viktor ~

Her breath fanned across my chest. My head rested on hers, and I could hear the shallow hum of her breath match the music. A million thoughts raced through my brain. Although our thoughts got the better of us earlier, I prayed it wouldn't be something she came to later regret, because nothing could make me forget the way her lips danced with mine.

She shifted in my arms, tilting her head back staring into my eyes. It was like a trance: her eyes devouring mine, drawing me closer until the tips of our noses were touching, our breath mixing together. A smile spread across my face as a tint of blush kissed her cheeks. I knew it was wrong to find it extremely wrong to find her embarrassment entertaining on many levels, but I couldn't help myself. The color of roses kissing her features reminded me of the roses I'd give her every time I saw something that reminded me of a reason why I loved her.

"Why don't we take this outside?" My lips right by her ear. My breath caressing the shell of it, as her breath hitched in the back of her throat and chest. A devilish smirk spread across my face as she dragged me by the wrist out the door. I screeched as I was soaked to the bone, the rain still pounding down around us. I saw her face fall as she twisted out of my grip. I snap my head back to look after her, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes wondering why she ran from me, until I saw her race towards two people laying down.

Azyriah and Blayne.

But why? That is, until I saw Jordeyn embrace the two, and Azyriah letting out an ear-splitting scream: his voice cracked, the sound of his breaking heart leaking through every tremble of his vocal cords, and the tears taking over the droplets of rain racing upon his face. She cupped both their faces in each of her hands and brought their heads to hers, all of them sharing each others pain, loss, and comfort. I stalked closer, careful not to disturb anything, and embraced them all. We all stayed there, sitting in the lot, the rain washing away our pain.

Azyriah ~

Nothing could make this stop. The feeling of loosing someone who you've always wanted but couldn't have. I wasn't even sure if I lost her; I just knew that she wouldn't take me, and the thought of Cayden keeping her after everything he said to her made me want to punch him and scream until my throat and chest burst.

The feeling of Jordeyn's hands against my face, still warm from the heat of the diner, was calefaction to my cold blood. The feeling of Blayne's breath on my shoulder only made me want her even more, and it burned like hell fire on earth. I didn't completely understand what I was feeling - considering I can't comprehend my emotions at all - and resorted to the fact that she'd never be mine. She'd always be his. The one person who would never be there for her when she needed him the most, the person who'd protect her no matter what, and he definitely wasn't the type of person to give her comfort on her darkest days. But I swore to myself, that no matter what, I would. If he wouldn't be there for her, then I would.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, and soften a little. I steal a glance towards the person and see Viktor. At once, the tears subside, but my head is pounding, my heart is hurting, and mentally, I believe I am unable to do anything that contradicts what I swear to do for Blayne. She meant too much to me, and the feeling of breaking an unsaid promise brought me to my knees in guilt.

The sun is fully set, and it's just all of us on a pitch black slab of concrete, until I see a car pull up into the driveway. Cayden. Out of pure instinct, I glance at Blayne, and can see the pure fear in them. She jumps to her feet and runs in the opposite direction, not wasting another second, I quickly follow. I see her hiding behind the dumpster in the back of the diner, and can hear a quiet scream. Turning the corner, I wasn't prepared for what I was about to set eyes on.

Blayne leaned against the side of the dumpster, blade in hand, and her arm out of her sleeve.

"Blayne." I could tell my voice startled her from the way she jumped at the sound my voice, already close to breaking for the second time today. "Please, don't do this. Put it down."

"Az, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to see... I- I just... I just can't"

"I know, I know." I console her, slowly prying the blade from her fingers and taking her arm in my hand, kissing the individual scars on them. I let her arm drop back to her side, and embrace her. I knew she needed someone to comfort her, and just be there for her. I push myself out of the hug, and pull the sleeve up my left arm, showing her mine. She didn't know it yet, but we were the same.

The way we carried ourselves as if we were okay, always wearing a mask to hide our pain. Taking a blade to our arm in hopes to drain away the hurt caused by ourselves and those around us. Being there for everyone no matter what, even though it meant not getting the same attention or love in return. Reassuring our friends that we'd always be there for them, even though we knew they could walk out on us at any minute.

Knowing that she also had to deal with this hurt me emotionally and physically, but it gave me all the reason more to be there and comfort her.


	18. I Trusted you, and you Lied

There were two words, and two words only that could describe Jay Matthews. A bitch. Never in Jordeyn's life, did she think she'd be laying down in a pouring parking lot with the person she both loved and hated the most, due to the fact that she couldn't decide if loving him was worth it all, or because she had her trust broken by the one person who she thought was her remaining family.

"Hey, Jordey."

"One, don't call me 'Jordey.' It's either 'Jorde' or 'Jordeyn." Two, what is it?"

"I wanted to talk about what happened in the room the other day." Of course. How could she have forgotten? She was held at gunpoint while Viktor- well, she got the point.

"Do we have to?"

He shifted under her and gripped her jaw rather harshly, his rings leaving indents, and his breath fanning over her face.

"If you want another kiss, yes. We'll have to." His lips caressed the shell of her ear in an open mouthed kiss, "and I know how much you want it... this." In a swift motion, Viktor caught the protest that was about to escape her lips in his, and took his chance to slip his tongue between her lips, allowing them to waltz together.

Jordeyn pulled away, lips flushed and eyes teary. "Viktor, trust me when I say I do want this. More than you could possibly know. But I don't want to cause any trouble."

"But you what? You're all talk Jordeyn, no action." His eyes darkened, and his smirk was questioning yet playful. He wasn't playing around, and Jordeyn could see that.

"You should know by now that I'm not the one who answers questions, but the one who asks them. So sit the fuck down, and take an attitude check." His grip around her neck tightened, and the edges of her vision blackened.

"Watch your tone when you speak to me. I'm not some friend of yours. You're mine." A low growl escaped the back of his throat, and butterflies made their way to her stomach.

"Or what?"

"Trust me, love. You don't want to know." He gave her a final squeeze and let her go.

"Glad you guys decided to stop. I thought I would have to be the one to break up the party."

"Azyriah Smith, do you always have to find a way to make everything about yo-"

"Blayne, oh my God! Are you okay?" Mascara ran down her face and her eyeliner muddied her cheeks. Tears stained her sleeves and a rim of blood traced the edge of her shirt. "Blayne... please tell me you haven't been cutting again..."

"You're fucking telling me you knew?" Azyriah's voice was just above a low bellow and veins popped out of his neck. His eyes red with rage.

"Don't you dare fucking yell at me. You should be damn grateful your nosy ass even found out." She regretted everything. The words, the argument, and the face he made was unforgettable. Never in her life had she seen him this pissed at something she said.

"Jordeyn, diner, booth, now."

"Az-" Her heart pulsated against her ribs and blood rushed to her brain.

"Now. I don't want to ask again."

"I'm going to kill you." Jordeyn remarked as her arm was violently grabbed and her body was dragged up the steps of the diner rather violently. "Okay, okay, I'm here. Now let go of me."

He shoved her in a booth farthest away from the window near the back. "I know we've had our ups and downs, but that doesn't mean you can talk to me that way; let alone anyone. I've tried my best each and every day to raise you to be the bigger and better person. But you appear to enjoy pissing people off more than that."

"Az, you know that I'm trying. I really am. But it's the way I grew up: being a bitch got you through life, and being kind drew people near."

"I know, and I'm sorry about that. About it all: society putting it in your head, the double-standards, the hate, the false love, words, and everything in general. I'm sorry. But you have to go through it if you want to get around in the world. Being a bitch - as you like to call it - is better than being naive and vulnerable to everyone. Everything you'll experience in life will build to be the person the universe and world need you to be."

"Az..."

"Jorde..." his tone was mocking, but it made Jordeyn feel all the better knowing he hadn't cared about her previous remarks. Nothing in the world could change the way she felt for her friends. They were her rock: keeping her sane and attached to the earth whilst she wandered through the dangers and hardships of life looking for the one person who would be there and care for her even when times were burdensome.

"Azyriah, without you in my life, I'd be lost and a completely different person, and I hope you can forgive me for what I've done and said. All you've done, like you said, is be there for me and raised me to be the woman I am today, but to be honest, I don't think I can do it anymore. I mean yes, Viktor and I have been getting along a lot better, but he's still giving off a weird vibe. It's just school, and Ms. Merrit, and everything else going on in our city that's making me anxious and mad all the time. I can't remember certain things and I despise it: I want things to go back to how they were when we were kids: joyful and full of sunshine. But now that we're older, things have obviously changed: our world is covered in shadows as it pours down rain, but there's nothing we can do about it-"

"But embrace it. Jordeyn, I know this year hasn't been easy. Everything with Castillo, Viktor, Ms. Merrit and your parents' death anniversary, but I understand. I may not understand the death of your parents, I understand the hurt and intimidation you're feeling. Believe me. I would do and give up anything to take away the pain, but I can't. And seeing you suffer hurts me more than you could possibly know."

"Hey, Jordeyn. Can we talk?" He walked in, nervously wiping the palms of his hands on his dress pants and glancing around as if someone was watching him.

She stole a glance at Azyriah, making sure the conversation was over, and with a subtle nod, she was trailing behind him. "Find a table by the front. Please." She went, feeling stupid for being submissive towards him.

Viktor was about to follow, when a firm hand gripped his arm, "if you dare hurt her in any way, I will not hesitate to take a knife to your chest just like you did to Castillo. Mark my words. I will torture you to no end if somehow you manage to break her when she's already on the brink of it."

"Az, you have nothing to worry about. I won't hurt her. If I did, I'd be the one to kill myself first. Believe me." He received a stern look in return and was on his way.

He sat across from her, not wanting to appear desperate, "I wanted to talk about the other day and what happened with Jay before Christmas if-"

"Hello you two, would you like anything? Water? A single milkshake? Basket of fries?" Mary-Rose, her name tag said. Mary-Rose Harmon.

"Um... no thank you ma'am. Two waters will be plenty. Thank you."

"Right away."

"Vik, we can talk about what happened in the bedroom. But what we can't talk about, is that argument with Jay. I don't want to think about him and I most definitely don't want to remember what you said."

"Hey, look at me. I know you're mad and feeling mixed feelings about what I told you, but I know that you can't and won't avoid the topic forever. You'll still run into him, and when your eyes meet across the room you'll remember the lies he told you and the way he left you when you needed him the most. All the memories, feelings, thoughts, and glances you've shared with each other for the past few years will flood back to your mind and drown you in them."

"Which is the exact reason why we don't have to talk about it."

"I think you mean do, and that's exactly what we're going to do. So, was the argument the first time you've heard of the well... news?"

She didn't want to talk about it. In fact, she'd be perfectly okay with dying and never talking about the situation again in her life, but he wasn't letting her get out of it, and she knew that. "I didn't want to talk about it, but fine. Anyways, yes. You yelling at me was the first time I heard of whatever this bullshit it-"

"Two waters, darlings. Have a lovely day!" Her cheery voice was music to their ears. The sound of joy in times of difficulty were comforting to the two more than they knew.

Viktor slid a glass towards Jordeyn, and shifted to face her once more, "don't fucking talk to me that way."

"Then don't fucking talk to me that way."

He over exaggeratedly rolled his eyes and set his water down, his jaw clenched and fingers flexing. He tapped his fingers against the glass, the sound of metal on glass emitting a quiet echo around the table. And out of all the people that could walk in, he did.

Jay Frazier-Matthews.

Since the argument, he had changed his name to two, Matthews because it's what he's known most of his life, and Frazier for the beginning of his new life. His colleagues still called him Matthews, but whenever the last name was used in reference with Jay, Jordeyn blanked out and stared at the space in front of her remembering the laughs and secrets they'd shared with each other when neither one of them knew

"Hey, Harmon. How's it going? Can I get a large shake and fry for the road? Thank you."

"Coming up, Matthews."

Waiting, he sat at the bar and turned the seat to face the two, "and how are you two love birds doing?"

"Jay, if you don't shut your fucking mouth I swear to God I'll shove a stick so far up your ass you'll be able to taste it."

"Jordeyn, I have several things to say right now. But mainly, one, don't talk to me in that manner. And two, are you two finally together? The tension has been killing me."

"And I, Jay Frazier, have a few things to say to you. But mainly, one, I'll talk to you however the fuck I want, because you aren't my brother. And two, no. We may or may not have hooked up once or twice, but no. We aren't together."

"I doubt it, love. Anyways, what're you two talking about? Anything that concerns me?"

"No-"

"Actually, Jay, we are," she kicked Viktor under the table and he shut his mouth quickly, "we were just talking about that argument and you not being my brother." I challenging smirk played her features like a guitar as she stared him down."

"Oh, how lovely. I really do hope Viktor is going easy on you. Because you already know that if it was me you were talking to, I'd put you through hell and back."

"I have a few quick questions for you, Jay. But I'm not going to ask them. But just wondering, why do you want to hurt me even more than you already have? I trusted you with everything. I trusted you with my secrets, life, past, present, and future. I loved you during all the times you were there for me and comforting me when I was crying during the time of my parents' death. I trusted you, Jay. And you lied to me. And because of that, I can't trust you anymore. I can't converse with you, I can't be near you, and I most definitely don't want to share a last name with you, where whenever it's mentioned and speaking of you, I have to be reminded of the lies you spit at my face."

Viktor stared at her, shocked that she even traded words with him in the first place, and at the fact that she even stood up for herself. She usually backed down and cowered at his words, but here she was, sitting straight in her seat, chest out with pride and no sign of fear in her eyes or voice. He was proud to say the least. Proud that she'd finally found her voice and proud that she wasn't backing down from a fight that he knew she could win if she fought hard enough.


	19. Jay

Jay

____________________________________________________________

"I have a few quick questions for you, Jay. But I'm not going to ask them. But just wondering, why do you want to hurt me even more than you already have? I trusted you with everything. I trusted you with my secrets, life, past, present, and future. I loved you during all the times you were there for me and comforting me when I was crying during the time of my parents' death. I trusted you, Jay. And you lied to me. And because of that, I can't trust you anymore. I can't converse with you, I can't be near you, and I most definitely don't want to share a last name with you, where whenever it's mentioned and speaking of you, I have to be reminded of the lies you spit at my face."

Her face was flushed and her eyes bulged out of her sockets in rage. She clutched her fork and knife as if they were her life support. But the way she carried herself was different. She wasn't scared of me, but rather going against what I said. I could tell Viktor saw it too: her posture was straight and gave her a sense of determination and power. The words she had spoken to me hurt, but not as badly as I'd assumed they would. She had learned to stand up for herself since the last month I saw her, and to be quite honest, I was both elated and vexed by her proposition.

"...And because of that, I can't trust you anymore. I can't converse with you, I can't be near you, and I most definitely don't want to share a last name with you, where whenever it's mentioned and speaking of you, I have to be reminded of the lies you spit at my face."

"Hey. I know you don't want to interact with me at all, but we share a last name. Matthews, Jordeyn; Matthews. And I'm going to sound like a broken record, but nothing, and I mean nothing will change that. Do you understand me?" Her face shifted into one of mock confusion.

"You have no right to tell me what I do and don't share with you. As I said before, you broke my trust, and now, I can't trust you. Don't blame me for the way you're feeling based off of what I said. You're old enough to not let the words of an 18-year-old let alone a girl get to you, right? Or are you really just that fucking sensitive?" I was in appalled by her words. Never in my life have I heard her talk back to anyone like this. This wasn't the Jordeyn I knew, and it wasn't the Jordeyn I helped to raise. Glancing in Viktor's direction, I could see his eyes trying to analyze her words - nothing. His expression was blank and he appeared more confused than anything.

"Jordeyn..."

"Shut your ass, Viktor. Does it look like I'm speaking to you? No. So shut your damn mouth."

"Jordeyn that'll be enough of that." She snapped her head towards me, and stared into my eyes. Her amber brown iris' boring into my pale grey ones, threatening to steal every secret I owned.

"Riddle me this, Jay. What do you receive when you piss off a snake?"

"Pardon?"

"A lady digging her heel into your chest. Thats what happens when you piss off a snake. Now, if you'd like me to step on you, just ask. If not, please; do me the honor of shutting the fuck up." Her eyes were cold set and her mouth pressed itself into a thin line, daring him to say another word.

I leapt from my chair and slammed my fists on the table in front of her, "if you dare to even look at me that way again, I swear over my position on the guard I will put every single bullet I own into your guts."

"Now, Jay, I don't think that'll be necessary; will it, Jordeyn?" I watched as Viktor's hands laid over Jordeyn's, and squeezed them warningly. She glared at him and rolled her eyes, snatching her hands back and wiping them off on her jacket. "Will it, or will it not?"

"Ugh, fine, it won't. Happy now?" She slid out of the booth and shoved me with her shoulder. She walked out of the diner with her chin held high and her shoulders drawn back. She was powerful, and she knew that. She knew it when I had broken her and she had come back like nothing had happened. She knew it when she didn't take shit from anyone else, and she knew it from the fact that she didn't owe anyone anything. My eyes darted back to Viktor, who was staring after her in awe. I was curious as to why exactly they were now talking and being friendly, but seeing how Jordeyn had reacted to my words I decided it'd be best to keep my mouth shut and not ask.

"You do know that threatening to kill her wasn't your brightest idea, right?"

"I know, Vik. I know."

"No."

"I'm sorry? No what, exactly?"

"Don't call me 'Vik.' Only those who are my friends have my permission to call me that, and you, Jay, are not my friend and never will be."

"We're family. Family by blood, Viktor. If anything, I'm the only one who should be allowed to call you that."

"You don't understand where this is coming from, do you? Why I won't let you call me 'Vik,' to be more precise." The gears turned in my head trying to rearrange the words to make better sense in my mind, but nothing entered my thoughts as to why he wouldn't allow me to call im by some silly nickname. "It's because of everything you've done to Jordeyn, Jay."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

I was astounded at his nerve to speak back to me. The only people that have were Neil, Angevine, and Jimena. "I asked for a more detailed explanation Viktor, now please, give it to me."

"You really want the real reason?" I could see his self -restraint beginning to wear off and it entertained me: seeing his face contort in concentration and frustration at our current predicament and location.

"Yes."

"It's what you did to Jordeyn: behaving as if she was your true family, when in reality you were an imposter who built her confidence and tore her down when you thought it was acceptable. You acted as if she was your number one priority these past three years, and you entered her life when she was most vulnerable and needed someone there for her the most-"

"Viktor, I-"

"Don't fucking interupt me when I'm explaining the shit you've done to her. Now, where was I?"

"Her vulnerability.."

"Yes. Now, to further explain this to your pea-sized brain, you're a dick. I won't beat around the bush with this one: you're a dick. And I don't think you need reasoning, but since it appears you do, I'll give you a few. She had a pure soul. It was full, loving, optimistic, and it wasn't fractured or broken. She knew what she wanted in life, and she knew what she had to do to achieve her goals and dreams. But when you, or should I say we, thought it'd be best to keep this information away from her, it destroyed her when we told her. It broke her down into nothing, and it was Azyriah and I who were there for her in the end. Not you. I was in the right with this one, Jay. And if you try to contradict or manipulate me into believing otherwise, Azyriah's sitting in a booth in the back at this very moment and I will not hesitate to call him over. And if you still believe that after everything you've done to her, is it fair to even consider yourself a Matthews anymore, because I sure as hell don't?"

"Viktor, I know where you're coming from, and if I could go back in time and start over with her and lead with the truth, I would in a heartbeat. I know that sounds cliche, but it's the truth, and you wanted the truth, right? So there it is. I never intended for her to change herself completely. I never wanted for her to become broken, and I never intended for her to trust to break. It's because of me that she can't trust anyone anymore, and I realize that."

"Don't say this to me. Say to her. She's the one that deserves this apology, not me."

"I just have one question, Viktor."

"And that would be?"

"Why do you care so much about her?"

"To be honest Jay, I'm not completely sure. I think it's after seeing everything we share and how similar we are, is when I truly realized the potential she has in life and how we've both been affected by the same things. After seeing her break down in front of me, I can't bear to see her go through anything like that alone ever again. She doesn't deserve it - no one does - but there's nothing we can do about it now besides be there for her. And by we, I mean everyone but you, since you're the main reason why she's this way. So, to put it in short, it's because I care for her. I care for her deeply and if I could take away all her pain and bury it deep inside of myself, I'd do it without a second thought. If it meant her happiness, I'd take it away and pray that whatever else she's feeling, will pass just as quickly as her pain would leave my body if it were possible."

"It sounds, Viktor Frazier, as if you love Jordeyn." The words left my mouth and they felt foreign. Never, had the word 'love' left my mouth unless it was to refer to a hobby. Viktor's eyes shot up from where they lay staring at his glass of water, the condensation trickling down just like the tears were on his face.

"I- I don't love her, Jay. I don't know how to love."

"Love, Viktor, is the act of wanting nothing more than happiness for the other person. It's the drive and need to make everything as easy for them as possible, and it's the act of putting the thought of taking as many bullets for them as you'd need to so they'd never get hurt. That, Viktor, is the act of true love." I knew it wasn't the best explanation, but it was the best I could think of off the top of my head. Viktor fiddled with his napkin and tapped his fingers against the table a few times before making eye contact.

"Then, Jay. I do. I love Jordeyn."


	20. Broken Pieces

Never, had the word 'love' left Viktor's lips, and never had it been about someone he despised. But now, while looking at the situation in another view point, everyone could see that he meant it. Even Azyriah who was skeptical about the entire situation, understood it's what Viktor wanted. And whatever he wanted, he'd find a way to get it: no matter the cost.

He felt as if he couldn't love, and that we would never be worthy of the act. Even with everyone around him, he couldn't bring himself to become somewhat vulnerable, and bring down the walls he had taken years to build, so people couldn't fight through them and ruin him from the inside out. He never felt the need to express his emotions, and he never felt as if anyone would care. Talking about what was happening in his life with others made him feel like a burden, and instead of feeling better, he'd feel guilt. The guilt of expressing how he felt with others and guilt for not being able to help those around him in return. On the contrary, he'd write out whatever he'd be feeling on a piece of paper and watch the flames blacken and curl the edges, as the paper turned into nothing but a pile of ash and burnt promises. It wasn't healthy - he knew that - but it was the only way he could get his feelings out without causing those around him to worry.

"What're you two whispering about?" Azyriah's voice startled the two, who were staring at each other, lips parted, and quietly exchanged words through their glances towards one another.

"Viktor here, has some news that-"

"One word, Jay. One fucking word, and I will grab that gun in your holster and blow your brains out." Viktor's voice was stern, and it startled both of them: Azyriah, more than Jay.

"Fine. Just this once. But you have to at least tell him."

"Hey, jackass. I have a name; and it's Azyriah. Az to my friends, but since you're obviously pissing one of them off at the moment, you're not a friend, but more of an enemy. And if I remember correctly, you're also the son of a bitch who broke my little sister. "

"I hate to break it to you, but she isn't your sister, Azyriah. She doesn't have any family let alone people who care enough to adopt her into their lives. You four - Viktor, Blayne, Cayden, and obviously you - couldn't care less about what she's going through. You just want to seem like you care so you have a better chance of getting into the Academy, but trust me. They don't care about any of that. They just want to know that you're mentally and physically strong enough to complete the course."

"I'm talking to you right now, aren't I? And it's taking everything I have in me not to get up and strangle you right now. I already know Viktor here wouldn't do anything because he hates your sorry ass, but me? No," he chuckled, contemplating what to say next, and what would be best. "I, Jay Frazier, would close my hands around your throat and slowly but surely choke you to death. I'd do that as I watch the life leave your eyes, your lungs take their last breath, and your limbs give out from the lack of oxygen with a smile on my fucking face for all the shit you've done to her. And I most certainly will not be saying her name, for I know you know who I'm talking about, and she doesn't deserve her name to be said around a man, no sorry, heinous imbecile, like you." Viktor was shocked. He always took Az for someone who was calm and collected twenty-four seven, and when he was speaking a manner such as this, he didn't know what to do with himself.

Everyone in the booth was on edge: whether it was from the day's earlier events, or what was happening now, they didn't know what to do with themselves.

"I think I'm going to head out and take Jordeyn home. She's probably freezing and waiting on the steps as we all debate what to do about him," Viktor said, stealing a glance towards Jay, "and to be completely honest, it's useless. No one wants death... Well, besides Azyriah over here but that's beside the point. I care for her, if not, love her, and I don't want to watch her get beaten down again for the final time. I don't want to watch her soul break and not be able to come back from it, because she doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve any of this, and to be quite honest I think we should leave Jay unharmed, and focus on Cayden, who decided it'd be funny to attack us all at lunch and break Blayne's heart."

"Yeah uhm, Viktor? Can I talk to you about that?"

"Go ahead, I'm listening."

"So uhm... earlier, when we were all sitting together before Jordeyn and I went inside, I figured you were in the bathroom because you weren't there. But, Cayden pulled up in the parking lot and Blayne ran, so I followed her to make sure she was okay and-"

"Please tell me she hasn't started cutting again..."

"I swear, did everyone know about this other than me? I mean yeah, we both have and sometimes still are, but I didn't think that-"

"I'm sorry, you, are cutting yourself? Let me see your wrists."

"Viktor I'm-"

"Now." Viktor forced his arm into his hand and ripped the sleeve up to his elbow. There, on his arm, was one new, shallow cut, and a rubber band around his wrist. "I- Az... Are these new?"

"Uhm... maybe?"

"Are they, or are they not?"

"They are."

"How old."

"Since today. Now I didn't do it, but when Blayne was about to, I caught her in time. I showed her mine, and told her that if she was going to cut herself, she had to do the same to me. I told her she had to hurt me like she was going to hurt herself, and that I wouldn't take no for an answer. It wasn't over a healed one, but it also wasn't near a major vien so I'm not concerned about it. But she hated every single second of what she was doing to me, and after, I explained to her why I had done it."

"But Az, I knew that you were trying to stop, so why exactly did you tell her to do it?"

"Because seeing her take a blade to her wrist behind that dumpster is burned into my memory, and every time I see or hear her crying that image comes back. I didn't want that image to stay with me forever, so instead, whenever she's crying, I'll see her take her pain out on me. And that, Viktor, is how I knew and now know that I care for her more than I care for myself. So, if you'll excuse me, I'll be on my way to take her home. It's beyond late and if I'm correct, it's about one a.m."

He swiftly slid out of the booth and maneuvered around Jay, who studied every swing of his arms and every step of his legs as if it were a three part question on a math test. "Blayne... Blayne, where are you? We need to get going."

"Az?" Her head popped out from around the corner; her flaming red hair drenched and disheveled from the dark rain, and a stream of tears dried on her face created exquisite patterns on her porcelain skin. Her voice was molasses and involuntary shivers coursed through her body: it could've been from the cold, but he knew it was due to the stress of the days earlier events.

"Blayne, I'm sorry. I didn't-" his words were cut off by his body rocking back from the force of her body colliding with his, her arms wrapping around his neck, and her nose buried in the nape of his neck. "Hey, hey, hey... talk to me. What's going on?"

"Az, I can't anymore. It's just... I can't do this anymore-"

Her lips crashed into his.

Their mind, body, and soul merged into one, and for that small fraction of a second, it was only them in the world. Nothing and no one else mattered but them, and the world stopped rotating with the beating of their hearts. The rain stopped, as the moon rose over the horizon and shed a blue haze, glazing over Azyriah's eyes. The tears biting at the corners of them sprung free and mixed with hers. They both knew it was impossible to love each other. Blayne had her Cayden, and Azyriah was the second choice. Nevertheless, they needed each other. They wanted one another in all their glory and beauty, but they needed each other for the pain: the pain of their past, the pain of their present, and the pain they would both experience in the near future. They were one soul split in two, and joining back together after going through the seven layers of hell to meet each other once again.

Blayne pulled away and looked up, peering in his eyes, and wishing nothing more or less than to lose herself in them and forget about all her problems. Her pain, her mentality, all of it. She wanted to leave everything behind and start over. Start over with her friends, start over with her family, and start over with everyone in her life. She was exhausted beyond the help of sleep dealing with everything in her life. But Azyriah knew what was happening to her. His company alone was enough to calm her nerves and make her feel whole again. Whole, where there was no Cayden, no loss of a three year relationship with the one person who she thought was the one, and no stress over life, schoolwork, and keeping the act of happiness at play. With him, she could be who she really was. Letting herself go, and not having to think twice about getting judged. She knew she had feelings for him, but didn't want to admit it. She felt as if she loved him, but didn't know how to act on it, because of Cayden keeping her hostage. She had regretted writing all of those poems and love letters for him because she knew that in the end, she'd go back to Azyriah. It would always be Azyriah.

Azyriah went tense at the loss of her lips on his and he contemplated on whether or not it'd be best to ruin the moment by pulling her back in, or letting him give her space. Her electric blue eyes looked up at him through her lashes, the sight of dried trail of tears leaving shimmering lines on her face and a pained smile spreading across her lips. He wanted to loose himself in them: the lips that parted as she laughed, the lips that spoke kind words of everyone around her, the lips that smiled and put on the mask of false happiness. He wanted to feel her lips on his as the world tumbled and crashed down around them and it was only her who kept him tethered to a broken world. Her touch alone was enough for him to forget the pain he had gone through in the past and the pain he's still going through today. He didn't understand why, when he knew she'd never be his he'd never be hers, but he couldn't care less.

Azyriah Smith loves Blayne Carver. With all the broken bits of his soul, he loved her.


	21. Toxic Love

Viktor looked out of the window, his heart slowly shattering yet mending at the sight of Azyriah and Blayne finally having what they’ve both wanted for so long. He was trying: trying to get Jordeyn to trust him, even after everything he had put her through and the lies he had spoken, he wanted her. He needed her to trust him, and he needed to seem better than he really was. She was his life. There was no beating around the bush with the statement. She was what he lived for, along with the reasoning of him going to the Academy to train for the guard; to protect Jordeyn. He wanted to take away her suffering, but most of all, he wanted to be with her through it all until they died together.  
But for Jordeyn, it was different.  
She was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing everyone she cared about, but most of all, she was scared of never getting the chance to find the person who would mend her soul and make her whole again. Over time, people have walked in and out of her life with a piece of her broken heart with them, a second glance over their shoulder not seen. Every single one of the people who had left her broke her. They made the cracks in her soul and heart deeper every time, and it was astounding to her that she hadn’t broken yet. Feel nothing but the numbness over a lost friend who she had opened up to despite the difficulty.  
But she loved him.  
She didn’t want to admit it at first. They never had gotten along, but she couldn’t help it ever since that night. The adrenaline running a marathon in her veins as the gun - his gun - was pointed at her head and their lips were mere millimeters apart was bewildering. She may have seemed crazy, almost psychotic in a way, but she give up anything to feel that exhilaration again. There weren’t many ways Jordeyn could describe the way she felt when she was with him, but it was clear.  
He, Viktor, was her cloud: always dark, demeaning, but on some occasions, he glowed. He didn’t glow like like the glitter scattered across ballgowns, but he glowed like the sun setting over the horizon, and Jordeyn adored it. The way he’d smile when he was talking about the things he wanted most in life, the way he’d laugh: dark and mysterious with a childish side to it, but most of all, she felt loved and safe in the way he protected her. Protect her as if she was his beating heart, and if even a small scrap nicked her, he’d bleed out and die. Bleed out of the hope, dreams, and everything good in his life that he held onto so dearly. Like the clouds stopping the sun from beating down on the earth, Jordeyn was the earth, and he protected her against all the ruthless damage that could be done to her perfect yet broken soul.   
She, Jordeyn, was his earth. Always there, but not thought of at certain times. She’d never understood exactly what he saw in her or what she saw in him, but once again, nothing could make her care less in the world. She was there for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on, loved him harder than she loved herself, and took all the harsh and awful things done to her, so he wouldn’t worry about what she was dealing with and feeling because his happiness was what came first. No matter what. She was always there for her like the warm welcome of a pet after a long day at work, she was his stable rock, and he swam in the adventures life was planning to drown him in, but the most important, she wanted no one else: no one else in the world to love her the way Viktor did. He never said it, but she knew. When she was in danger, she’d always glance at him first. And every single time, there was a hint of fear sprinting across his eyes, and his body hesitated as if he wanted to get her out of there as soon as possible. Even though he had hurt her more than anyone, she couldn’t change the way she felt.  
؞ ؞ ؞  
As Viktor sped down the road, waiting for her to say something, anything, he subconsciously put his hand on her upper thigh, and tightened his grip slightly. He hadn’t fully realized it until he felt her muscle tense under his hand. Embarrassed, a tint of red kissed the shell of his ear and his neck slowly gained the color. He snatched his hand away, and put it back on the gear shift. Internally, Jordeyn cringed at the loss of his touch. Involuntarily, she had stiffened at the sudden act of his touch, but she never intended for him to let go. She needed his touch. She felt warm inside at the feeling of the pads of his fingers digging into her thigh, and they sent ungodly thoughts through her mind. Instinctively, she reached out for his hand, but snatched it back without a second thought.   
It was a subtle gesture, but he noticed everything. The way she squirmed and sat uncomfortably at the loss of his hand, the way she hesitantly reached out for his hand but second guessed herself and pulled back, the way she was fiercely blushing as she struggled with her self-will to not look directly at him because God forbid what she’d do if she did.   
“Listen, princess. If you wanted my hand on your thigh, you could’ve just asked. If you wanted to feel the touch of my hand on you, don’t hesitate. It’d be my pleasure to satisfy your needs and whatever thoughts are going on through that pretty head of yours.” She was taken aback by the sudden words. It had been what seemed like hours in this car, endlessly driving, and now he decided to speak?   
“My- uhm… my name isn’t ‘princess’. You sho-should know that by… uhm- now.” She damned herself for speaking so brokenly and unclearly. She made a mental note to hit her head against the table until she either passed out, or died from brain damage.  
“As you wish. But just know, I’m still calling you ‘love’ and ‘darling’. There’s no discussion about that. Now, tell me. What is it that you wanted?” She could hear the smirk on his lips as he spoke and it took everything in her not to glance at him.   
“If you fucking swear…”  
“You’ll what? Call your fake brother on me? Raise your parents from the grave to beat me? Tell me, Jordeyn, what would you do?”  
“Why do you always have to bring my parents into everything? I’ve tried every single day to respect your sorry ass, but nothing seems to make you want to give me respect in return. I’m sick and tired of it.”  
“And that’s okay, love, you aren’t required to give me anything, as long as you’re mine.”  
He knew what he was doing - torturing her slowly and making her uneasy. That is, until he pulled the car over to the side of the road out of nowhere.  
“I wanted- hey. What’re you do-” Her words were cut off.  
His lips devoured hers. The same feeling of adrenaline from the prior day returned, and she held onto it for as long as possible. She maneuvered herself in a way so she was straddling his lap, yet they were both comfortable. His grip shifted to the small of her back and pulled her flush against him, the pads of his fingers digging into her hips undoubtedly leaving bruises in their .   
A quiet groan escaped her parted lips, and Viktor sought the opportunity to graze his tongue along hers, and allowed them to dance together. His hand snuck up under the hem of her shirt, teasing her nerves with the tips of his fingers with slow lazy circles along her spine; smirking against her lips as he felt her shiver and melt under his touch.   
This wasn’t like the moment they had shared in the school hallway. This was vulnerable - a cry for help in a way. They needed each other in their body and soul. Jordeyn laced an arm around the back of his neck pulling him impossibly closer - their chests pressed against each other’s, their heart beats synced and beat in rhythm with one another’s. A dry sob left her chest as she grasped onto the collar of his shirt as if it was the difference between her living another second, or dropping dead right there and then. Feeling and hearing it leave her chest, Viktor pulled himself towards her. She pushed away, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes and her lips swollen and flushed.   
“Viktor I-”  
“Are you a virgin?”   
“Excuse me?” The question   
He took a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her face and tucked it behind her ear, “you heard me, sweetheart. But I’ll repeat myself if I have to. Are you a virgin or not?”  
Her neck and face flushed a brilliant shade of red, and her head shot down in embarrassment already revealing her answer. “Why, uhm… would it matter if I am or not?” His hand cupped her face and wiped away a tear that had escaped. His eyes softened at the sight of her dropped head and slacked posture, but he didn’t look away.  
“Because I don’t want you regretting anything. You’re the most important thing to me. I want this, but I don’t want to watch you crumble from a mistake we both made: one that I had pushed onto you. But if you’ll allow me, I don’t want you to be in a car. I want you to be as comfortable - safe - as possible and I want you to enjoy it.”  
“Vik-”  
“Please, just listen. I want to feel you melt into me and let me mark you as mine. I want you to be mine, but only you can give me that privilege. I swear on everything and everyone in my life, I won’t push myself on you,” his mouth had moved to the shell of her ear, and he sensed a slight hitch in her breath. “But please know, I am restraining myself from tying you down in the back and having you at my mercy. I want to feel you melt like candle wax at the slightest sense of my touch, but most of all, I want you, Jordeyn Matthews. With everything you are, soul broken or whole, I want you with everything that I am.”  
Her eyes had fallen shut at the sound of his voice - dark and rough, but comforting and warm like alcohol coursing through ones veins. She understood what he was saying. He wanted her. Not for her body, but her as a human: and this was the first time anyone had. His lips brushed against hers once more, causing her to become completely undone. She grasped whatever part of him she could, willing him to come closer. She wanted this - now - and she wanted him to take her and mark her as his.

Viktor -   
She pulled me towards her. She was desperate, but my need for self-control was slowly flowing down the drain. I could feel myself restrain against my pants and the thought of putting her in the back of my car and tying her to leave her at my mercy was slowly becoming harder to resist. But I couldn’t do it. Not when I respected her more than anything.  
I could sense her desperation when she ground her hips against my thigh. A quiet moan left her lips, quickly consumed by my lips covering hers. I felt her body lift from mine, but not wanting to feel the loss of her, I harshly dug my fingers in her hips and forcing her down upon me again. She ground against me, and a groan left my lips.  
She knew what she was doing: making me go insane, testing my limits, trying her best to cause me to snap and destroy her. I wanted to rip off whatever clothing was still between us and feel our bodies mesh into one. My lips traveled to the soft spot on her neck and the feeling of her pulse on my lips was thrilling. Her hips ground against mine again, and this time, it was impossible for me not to react, as I thrust my hips up to meet hers. Her hand shot from the back of my neck to her mouth, attempting to suppress her cries of need.  
Instantaneously, I dragged her wrists and pinned them behind her back. “I want to hear you, darling. Don’t stay quiet for me, I want to hear you scream.” I gripped the hair at the base of her neck and pulled harshly, exposing her neck at an angle. I decorated her skin with blooms of mauve and deep blue, her soft, quiet moans filling my ears like the music of a waltz. I kept her wrists behind her back with one hand, and brought the other to her waist, holding her tightly against me. A groan left me, her hips squirming upon mine, and I could feel a wicked smirk enter her lips. I gripped her thigh tighter than what I knew she expected and pulled away. “If you were so desperate, you should have just told me. Now, ride my fucking thigh, love.”

Jordeyn -  
“If you were so desperate, you should have just told me. Now, ride my fucking thigh, love.” The words were abrupt, and almost right away, I stopped squirming and my muscles tensed.  
“Wha-what?”  
His hands let go of my wrists, as he quickly laced one behind the small of my back, pulling me closer and the other massaged my hip bone. “Ride my thigh. Love.” That name. That dreadful fucking name was enough for me to let go of every moral I had within me, and submit myself to him. But it was the look in his eyes that kept me from moving: staring into mine, questioning everything with a silent stare, a small smile behind them, as he saw me become flustered at the feeling of his thumb against the skin of my hip. He knew I would eventually give in in the end, but he also knew that it’d be on my terms, and my terms only.  
“Viktor I-”  
“Do you want this, or not, darling?”  
The name alone made be close my eyes to prevent them from rolling in the back of head, “I do but-”  
“Then, tell me how this makes you feel.” Subtly - almost as if it wasn’t a movement at all - he slowly bounced his leg. “And this.” His lips met the base of my neck, biting softly and kissing over it to soothe the slight amount of pain that came from it, “tell me this… what do you think of when I do this.” At those words, I felt him dart a hand under my shirt and unclasp my bra, slipping off the straps under my shirt still pulling me closer with his other arm. “What goes on in that pretty little head of yours when I run my hands over you, the slightest touch lighting every nerve in your body on fire?”  
“Vi-Viktor I… I can’t- I-”  
“If you dare, Jordeyn, I will throw into the back, tie you down, and fuck you senseless. Now, keep quiet and don’t move, or I’ll fucking punish you.” I wanted to test his words. I wanted to see if he was a man of them, but I mostly wanted to see exactly what he meant by the ‘punishment he’d give me.’ His hand left my hip - one still holding me close by my back - and reached for something in the outer pocket of his bag; kissing my shoulder and arm as he went.   
A sharp twang of metal on metal echoed in the car and I spun my head around to eye whatever was in his hand. “Keep still would you, love? I’d hate to hurt you. But, then again, seeing the blood trickle down your skin would be a lovely reminder that you’re mine, wouldn’t it?”  
“Uhm… Viktor? What-what is that?”  
“Take a guess, my love.” A sharp, cool edge met the skin on her lower back, “I want to hear what you think this is.” He dragged the edge of the blade along my skin, causing me to tensen at the sudden movement. I dropped my head into the crook of his neck, attempting to hide the need I felt in every inch of my body. I bucked my hips, trying to move away from the object, but instead came in contact with his lower abdomen, the knife pressing deeper into my hip. “Don’t try moving, darling.” Instinctively, I did, feeling of the blade shallowly cutting my skin, leaving a small ‘V’ carved into my hip. It stung, but quickly turned into pleasure as his thumb put pressure to the area.   
A soft groan flew from my lips landing on his neck, my breath hitching in my chest. “Keep quiet. I’d love to hear you scream, but right now, isn’t the time.”


	22. Toxic Love

Viktor looked out of the window, his heart slowly shattering yet mending at the sight of Azyriah and Blayne finally having what they’ve both wanted for so long. He was trying: trying to get Jordeyn to trust him, even after everything he had put her through and the lies he had spoken, he wanted her. He needed her to trust him, and he needed to seem better than he really was. She was his life. There was no beating around the bush with the statement. She was what he lived for, along with the reasoning of him going to the Academy to train for the guard; to protect Jordeyn. He wanted to take away her suffering, but most of all, he wanted to be with her through it all until they died together.  
But for Jordeyn, it was different.  
She was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing everyone she cared about, but most of all, she was scared of never getting the chance to find the person who would mend her soul and make her whole again. Over time, people have walked in and out of her life with a piece of her broken heart with them, a second glance over their shoulder not seen. Every single one of the people who had left her broke her. They made the cracks in her soul and heart deeper every time, and it was astounding to her that she hadn’t broken yet. Feel nothing but the numbness over a lost friend who she had opened up to despite the difficulty.  
But she loved him.  
She didn’t want to admit it at first. They never had gotten along, but she couldn’t help it ever since that night. The adrenaline running a marathon in her veins as the gun - his gun - was pointed at her head and their lips were mere millimeters apart was bewildering. She may have seemed crazy, almost psychotic in a way, but she give up anything to feel that exhilaration again. There weren’t many ways Jordeyn could describe the way she felt when she was with him, but it was clear.  
He, Viktor, was her cloud: always dark, demeaning, but on some occasions, he glowed. He didn’t glow like like the glitter scattered across ballgowns, but he glowed like the sun setting over the horizon, and Jordeyn adored it. The way he’d smile when he was talking about the things he wanted most in life, the way he’d laugh: dark and mysterious with a childish side to it, but most of all, she felt loved and safe in the way he protected her. Protect her as if she was his beating heart, and if even a small scrap nicked her, he’d bleed out and die. Bleed out of the hope, dreams, and everything good in his life that he held onto so dearly. Like the clouds stopping the sun from beating down on the earth, Jordeyn was the earth, and he protected her against all the ruthless damage that could be done to her perfect yet broken soul.  
She, Jordeyn, was his earth. Always there, but not thought of at certain times. She’d never understood exactly what he saw in her or what she saw in him, but once again, nothing could make her care less in the world. She was there for him when he needed a shoulder to cry on, loved him harder than she loved herself, and took all the harsh and awful things done to her, so he wouldn’t worry about what she was dealing with and feeling because his happiness was what came first. No matter what. She was always there for her like the warm welcome of a pet after a long day at work, she was his stable rock, and he swam in the adventures life was planning to drown him in, but the most important, she wanted no one else: no one else in the world to love her the way Viktor did. He never said it, but she knew. When she was in danger, she’d always glance at him first. And every single time, there was a hint of fear sprinting across his eyes, and his body hesitated as if he wanted to get her out of there as soon as possible. Even though he had hurt her more than anyone, she couldn’t change the way she felt.  
؞ ؞ ؞  
As Viktor sped down the road, waiting for her to say something, anything, he subconsciously put his hand on her upper thigh, and tightened his grip slightly. He hadn’t fully realized it until he felt her muscle tense under his hand. Embarrassed, a tint of red kissed the shell of his ear and his neck slowly gained the color. He snatched his hand away, and put it back on the gear shift. Internally, Jordeyn cringed at the loss of his touch. Involuntarily, she had stiffened at the sudden act of his touch, but she never intended for him to let go. She needed his touch. She felt warm inside at the feeling of the pads of his fingers digging into her thigh, and they sent ungodly thoughts through her mind. Instinctively, she reached out for his hand, but snatched it back without a second thought.  
It was a subtle gesture, but he noticed everything. The way she squirmed and sat uncomfortably at the loss of his hand, the way she hesitantly reached out for his hand but second guessed herself and pulled back, the way she was fiercely blushing as she struggled with her self-will to not look directly at him because God forbid what she’d do if she did.  
“Listen, princess. If you wanted my hand on your thigh, you could’ve just asked. If you wanted to feel the touch of my hand on you, don’t hesitate. It’d be my pleasure to satisfy your needs and whatever thoughts are going on through that pretty head of yours.” She was taken aback by the sudden words. It had been what seemed like hours in this car, endlessly driving, and now he decided to speak?  
“My- uhm… my name isn’t ‘princess’. You sho-should know that by… uhm- now.” She damned herself for speaking so brokenly and unclearly. She made a mental note to hit her head against the table until she either passed out, or died from brain damage.  
“As you wish. But just know, I’m still calling you ‘love’ and ‘darling’. There’s no discussion about that. Now, tell me. What is it that you wanted?” She could hear the smirk on his lips as he spoke and it took everything in her not to glance at him.  
“If you fucking swear…”  
“You’ll what? Call your fake brother on me? Raise your parents from the grave to beat me? Tell me, Jordeyn, what would you do?”  
“Why do you always have to bring my parents into everything? I’ve tried every single day to respect your sorry ass, but nothing seems to make you want to give me respect in return. I’m sick and tired of it.”  
“And that’s okay, love, you aren’t required to give me anything, as long as you’re mine.”  
He knew what he was doing - torturing her slowly and making her uneasy. That is, until he pulled the car over to the side of the road out of nowhere.  
“I wanted- hey. What’re you do-” Her words were cut off.  
His lips devoured hers. The same feeling of adrenaline from the prior day returned, and she held onto it for as long as possible. She maneuvered herself in a way so she was straddling his lap, yet they were both comfortable. His grip shifted to the small of her back and pulled her flush against him, the pads of his fingers digging into her hips undoubtedly leaving bruises in their .  
A quiet groan escaped her parted lips, and Viktor sought the opportunity to graze his tongue along hers, and allowed them to dance together. His hand snuck up under the hem of her shirt, teasing her nerves with the tips of his fingers with slow lazy circles along her spine; smirking against her lips as he felt her shiver and melt under his touch.  
This wasn’t like the moment they had shared in the school hallway. This was vulnerable - a cry for help in a way. They needed each other in their body and soul. Jordeyn laced an arm around the back of his neck pulling him impossibly closer - their chests pressed against each other’s, their heart beats synced and beat in rhythm with one another’s. A dry sob left her chest as she grasped onto the collar of his shirt as if it was the difference between her living another second, or dropping dead right there and then. Feeling and hearing it leave her chest, Viktor pulled himself towards her. She pushed away, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes and her lips swollen and flushed.  
“Viktor I-”  
“Are you a virgin?”  
“Excuse me?” The question  
He took a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her face and tucked it behind her ear, “you heard me, sweetheart. But I’ll repeat myself if I have to. Are you a virgin or not?”  
Her neck and face flushed a brilliant shade of red, and her head shot down in embarrassment already revealing her answer. “Why, uhm… would it matter if I am or not?” His hand cupped her face and wiped away a tear that had escaped. His eyes softened at the sight of her dropped head and slacked posture, but he didn’t look away.  
“Because I don’t want you regretting anything. You’re the most important thing to me. I want this, but I don’t want to watch you crumble from a mistake we both made: one that I had pushed onto you. But if you’ll allow me, I don’t want you to be in a car. I want you to be as comfortable - safe - as possible and I want you to enjoy it.”  
“Vik-”  
“Please, just listen. I want to feel you melt into me and let me mark you as mine. I want you to be mine, but only you can give me that privilege. I swear on everything and everyone in my life, I won’t push myself on you,” his mouth had moved to the shell of her ear, and he sensed a slight hitch in her breath. “But please know, I am restraining myself from tying you down in the back and having you at my mercy. I want to feel you melt like candle wax at the slightest sense of my touch, but most of all, I want you, Jordeyn Matthews. With everything you are, soul broken or whole, I want you with everything that I am.”  
Her eyes had fallen shut at the sound of his voice - dark and rough, but comforting and warm like alcohol coursing through ones veins. She understood what he was saying. He wanted her. Not for her body, but her as a human: and this was the first time anyone had. His lips brushed against hers once more, causing her to become completely undone. She grasped whatever part of him she could, willing him to come closer. She wanted this - now - and she wanted him to take her and mark her as his.

Viktor -  
She pulled me towards her. She was desperate, but my need for self-control was slowly flowing down the drain. I could feel myself restrain against my pants and the thought of putting her in the back of my car and tying her to leave her at my mercy was slowly becoming harder to resist. But I couldn’t do it. Not when I respected her more than anything.  
I could sense her desperation when she ground her hips against my thigh. A quiet moan left her lips, quickly consumed by my lips covering hers. I felt her body lift from mine, but not wanting to feel the loss of her, I harshly dug my fingers in her hips and forcing her down upon me again. She ground against me, and a groan left my lips.  
She knew what she was doing: making me go insane, testing my limits, trying her best to cause me to snap and destroy her. I wanted to rip off whatever clothing was still between us and feel our bodies mesh into one. My lips traveled to the soft spot on her neck and the feeling of her pulse on my lips was thrilling. Her hips ground against mine again, and this time, it was impossible for me not to react, as I thrust my hips up to meet hers. Her hand shot from the back of my neck to her mouth, attempting to suppress her cries of need.  
Instantaneously, I dragged her wrists and pinned them behind her back. “I want to hear you, darling. Don’t stay quiet for me, I want to hear you scream.” I gripped the hair at the base of her neck and pulled harshly, exposing her neck at an angle. I decorated her skin with blooms of mauve and deep blue, her soft, quiet moans filling my ears like the music of a waltz. I kept her wrists behind her back with one hand, and brought the other to her waist, holding her tightly against me. A groan left me, her hips squirming upon mine, and I could feel a wicked smirk enter her lips. I gripped her thigh tighter than what I knew she expected and pulled away. “If you were so desperate, you should have just told me. Now, ride my fucking thigh, love.”

Jordeyn -  
“If you were so desperate, you should have just told me. Now, ride my fucking thigh, love.” The words were abrupt, and almost right away, I stopped squirming and my muscles tensed.  
“Wha-what?”  
His hands let go of my wrists, as he quickly laced one behind the small of my back, pulling me closer and the other massaged my hip bone. “Ride my thigh. Love.” That name. That dreadful fucking name was enough for me to let go of every moral I had within me, and submit myself to him. But it was the look in his eyes that kept me from moving: staring into mine, questioning everything with a silent stare, a small smile behind them, as he saw me become flustered at the feeling of his thumb against the skin of my hip. He knew I would eventually give in in the end, but he also knew that it’d be on my terms, and my terms only.  
“Viktor I-”  
“Do you want this, or not, darling?”  
The name alone made be close my eyes to prevent them from rolling in the back of head, “I do but-”  
“Then, tell me how this makes you feel.” Subtly - almost as if it wasn’t a movement at all - he slowly bounced his leg. “And this.” His lips met the base of my neck, biting softly and kissing over it to soothe the slight amount of pain that came from it, “tell me this… what do you think of when I do this.” At those words, I felt him dart a hand under my shirt and unclasp my bra, slipping off the straps under my shirt still pulling me closer with his other arm. “What goes on in that pretty little head of yours when I run my hands over you, the slightest touch lighting every nerve in your body on fire?”  
“Vi-Viktor I… I can’t- I-”  
“If you dare, Jordeyn, I will throw into the back, tie you down, and fuck you senseless. Now, keep quiet and don’t move, or I’ll fucking punish you.” I wanted to test his words. I wanted to see if he was a man of them, but I mostly wanted to see exactly what he meant by the ‘punishment he’d give me.’ His hand left my hip - one still holding me close by my back - and reached for something in the outer pocket of his bag; kissing my shoulder and arm as he went.  
A sharp twang of metal on metal echoed in the car and I spun my head around to eye whatever was in his hand. “Keep still would you, love? I’d hate to hurt you. But, then again, seeing the blood trickle down your skin would be a lovely reminder that you’re mine, wouldn’t it?”  
“Uhm… Viktor? What-what is that?”  
“Take a guess, my love.” A sharp, cool edge met the skin on her lower back, “I want to hear what you think this is.” He dragged the edge of the blade along my skin, causing me to tensen at the sudden movement. I dropped my head into the crook of his neck, attempting to hide the need I felt in every inch of my body. I bucked my hips, trying to move away from the object, but instead came in contact with his lower abdomen, the knife pressing deeper into my hip. “Don’t try moving, darling.” Instinctively, I did, feeling of the blade shallowly cutting my skin, leaving a small ‘V’ carved into my hip. It stung, but quickly turned into pleasure as his thumb put pressure to the area.  
A soft groan flew from my lips landing on his neck, my breath hitching in my chest. “Keep quiet. I’d love to hear you scream, but right now, isn’t the time.”


	23. Beg

“Keep quiet. I’d love to hear you scream, but right now, isn’t the time.”  
Damn Him. He knew what he was doing to her. His breath kissing her neck, his lips embracing the pulse point of her neck causing all her thoughts to drift away like birds on a summer’s morn. Her breathing was ragged and hitched every so often from the subtle movement his thigh was making against her clit. Desperately, in hopes for a distraction, she grabbed his jaw with force, pushed him against his seat, and latched her lips against the corner of his mouth. A smirk spread slowly, avoiding his lips, she travels to his jaw and along his neck, a trail of hickies in their wake. Her hips bucked against his softly, a gasp catching in his throat.

Jordeyn~  
“Desperate fucking slut…” His words came out ragged and short of breath. The tip of the blade delved deeper into my hip, allowing a droplet of scarlet red blood to run its course down the back of my thigh. It continued to run along my skin with his words, “You’re” Glide. “Mine.” Press. The adrenaline coursed through my veins as my thighs tensed and relaxed. His words had an effect on both of us, and we knew it. Chills crawled up my spine, a small tremor taking over my nerves, as his arm pulled me closer, steadying me slightly. “And only, mine.”   
“Viktor, I-” He shoved me back into the passenger seat, hastily reaching over and pulling the belt down harshly. I stared at him - shocked and hurt by his course of action.  
“If you stay quiet the rest of the ride, I might give you what you want. But remember. Don’t start what you can’t fucking finish.” The belt clicked and my mind drowned in thoughts.   
What is he going to do … Dear God don’t let him hurt me … He’s going to break me … He’s going to …   
The car stopped.  
Immediately, my consciousness snapped into focus once more, and the image of a black flat was in front of me. “Out. Now.” His voice was demanding and filled with desperation. I didn’t fully understand if it was from earlier, or if it was a renowned desperation from the several minutes his hands weren’t caressing me.   
Hastily, I unbuckled and got out, stalking towards him, careful not to sprint towards the door and appear any more nervous than I was. His hand found the small of my back and guided me forwards, willing my leaden legs to move.   
The stairs were a deep warm mahogany, and even in the dark I could tell the house had a particular character to it: one filled with mystery and burdens. Hate and love. Unsettlement and peace. Desire and reputation. I looked around warily, not sure if there was someone I recognized stalking my every word and action.   
His arm laced around my waist, pulling me to him, “tell me, love. What is it that you so desperately want?” he pressed his lips against my pulse point causing my heart to skip a beat.  
“I - … can’t this wait until we’re inside?” I tilted my head back against his shoulder, feeling his heartbeat through his chest against my skull.   
Caressing the shell on my ear, he spoke, “Now, now, Jordeyn, you know I’m not one for patience.” His voice was sensuous and insistent, demanding an answer. The way my name fell from his tongue caused me to crave every millimeter of him. I wanted … needed … him. Now. His hand drew idle circles just under my ribcage, and the occasional spark in my nerves swept a wave of chills over my skin, causing me to arch against him. “Desperate already? Tsk, tsk … I expected more of a fight especially from someone like you, love.”   
“If you’re suggesting that I’m not capable of dominance over you -” My next words were cut off by the sudden feeling of his fingers lacing around the front of my throat, applying the slightest amount of pressure to my windpipe.  
“That, Jordeyn, is exactly what I’m suggesting … because we both know you’d try your best to keep a straight face and do everything in your will power to take over me…” his hands gripped my waist and turned me, my chest flush against his, “… but the minute my fingers are running down your body, lighting every nerve in your being on fire, you’d melt like chocolate hitting your tongue on a Summer’s afternoon and squirm under me, desperate for a single fucking touch because you’re a slut, Jordeyn. My slut, to be more precise.”  
My neck and face flushed crimson at his words, bowing my head in embarrassment at the true claim. Thought after thought raced through my mind wondering how on earth he could’ve known. He never paid much attention to me or talked to me, but the thought him knowing that he’s the only one I’d allow to completely take over and fuck my name out of my head was overthrown by the feeling of his hands gripping my thighs, wrapping them around his waist. The click of the door was an indicator enough that I was no way prepared for what he was going to do to me. 

Viktor~  
Not wasting a second more, knowing Jay would be home soon, I lifted her and wrapped her legs around me. I felt her lips capture the sensitive spot on my neck, bringing about my need for her. The arm holding her up shook slightly and the smirk against my neck let me know she felt every tremor in my muscle. “I was planning on going easy, love. But seeing you this way suggests you want otherwise. Now tell me if I am correct.”   
I hissed at the loss of her touch and her lamp black eyes met mine, “pardon?” Her face was contorted with confusion and her eyes twinkled with wonder. Seeing her so clueless was both appealing and humorous.   
“Don’t make me repeat myself.” I watched as a sly smile cut her face. Her eyes brightened with a mischievousness that I’ve seen one too many times: in the hallway.  
“Do whatever you want. I am yours, afterall.” My eyes searched for hers looking for a sign of relinquishment, but there weren't any. I pressed her back against the wall slightly grinding my hips on hers. The column of her throat exposed itself for me, her head tilting back against the cool wood. Repainting her skin with more blooms of mauve and blue, quiet sighs of pleasure escaped from her lips, her breathing uneven against my neck.  
“Anything? My, my … are you that needy already?”  
“Fuck, Viktor …”  
“Yes, love? Tell me. What is it that you need?” My fingers found the waistband of her jeans and slowly trailed my hand under, tracing the mark I’d made with the pad of my finger. Goosebumps formed under my touch and her chest heaved with every labored breath.   
“You already know … what I want.” Her eyes met mine: heavy lidded and lust filled.  
“I want to hear you beg.”  
“Viktor, please. Now is not the time to-”  
“That’s all I needed to hear.” Walking relatively fast, not missing a step nor tripping on my own feet, I carried her into my room, kicking the door closed behind me. A gasp leaving her throat as I set her in the middle of my bed - her hair fanning around her framing her as an angel. Running a hand up her thigh, cradling me, a serene kiss was placed between us: one of broken promises and desperation. I hesitantly placed a hand in the curve of her waist feeling her arch into me pulling me closer. “Jordeyn, I need a verbal sign. I need you to tell me … speak to me … and say that you’re okay with this. Okay with being marked by me, claiming you as mine. I need to know, Jordeyn, because I don’t want anything between us to die out and I can’t bear the thought of another human let alone man touch you if it isn’t me and me only. Your right as a human is for me to know how far I can go whilst keeping you safe and feeling protected. I need you, Jordeyn. Now. So please, tell me.”  
Her hands left the arm bracing me over her, and cupped my face bringing her forehead to meet mine. Her eyelashes fluttered closed, “There’s no one else I’d want to claim me as theirs.” Her eyes met mine, but her smile didn’t meet them. This was a smile of comfort and reassurance, telling me she knew what her limits were and that she’d tell me when they were over crossed.   
I snaked a hand to the back of her neck, lifting her into a sitting position, helping her lean against the headboard comfortably. Lacing a hand around her throat, I offered a welcoming squeeze kissing the base of her jaw listening to the unholy sounds coming from her lips. I could only imagine what she’d sound like with my lips between her thighs.   
I grasped the hem of her shirt, rolling it between my fingers and slowly lifted it, shifting myself and placed the lightest of kisses upon her supple skin. A second wave of chills met my touch, her grip on my wrist like a vice, attempting to pull me closer. 

Jordeyn~  
His lips ignited my skin like the fire devouring wood in a bonfire. I felt the coolness of his rings circle around my back and unclip the hooks of my bra letting it fall off my shoulders. Easing it off with his help, I returned the gesture of his hand around my throat, pulling him impossibly closer traveling down his jaw and neck with the slight scrape of teeth and tongue.   
His grip on my neck tightened at the sound of a silent, gravely moan escaping the depths of his chest. I crawled onto his lap straddling his thigh, and ground against him ever so slightly, feeling a shudder course through him under me. Propping his knee up at a small angle, he flipped me on my back, the soft sheets and mattress engulfing me in a hug.  
Gripping my thigh, lifting it slightly and running down with a slight pressure, kneading my hip with the edge of his palm, he looked at me with adoration and his opposite arm circling my head, caging me in: as if I were the only person in the world who could allow him to live, not exist. As if I were the only person who understood what was wrong with him and only, I could save him from it all. The chill from the metal circling his fingers sent a tremor through my body as they sailed along my skin slipping my shirt off over my head with ease. His lips assaulted the hollow in my throat and collarbone, leaving me gasping for air, my brain already a muddled mess.   
I saw him shift, sitting back on his knees wondering why he’d stopped. I propped myself on my elbowed and looked at him with hurt and confusion masking my nervousness. “Viktor, what’s …”  
His hand reached for the button of my jeans, “Yes or no.”  
“Viktor, you already know the-”  
“Yes, Jordeyn, or no.”  
“For fuck’s sake - yes.” I looked up at him, his hands moving at an excruciatingly slow pace. The air chilled every inch of my bone leaving me begging for his warm touch: sending chills through my body, leaving me a trembling mess.  
A smirk rose on his face. I wanted nothing more than to just slap it off him, “already a trembling mess and I haven’t even done-” A bloom of vermilion kissed one side of his face, the imprint of my hand most likely leaving a bruise. His eyes blackened, a hand cupping his cheek rubbing the skin trying to soothe the pain. “You shouldn’t have done that.”  
I wanted to provoke him: give him a reason to do whatever he wanted to. Questioning him, I raised an eyebrow crossing my arms over my chest, “And why is that, exactly?” His hands darted from his cheek to take both my wrists in one over my head and the base of my neck in the other.  
“Because Jordeyn, I didn’t tell you you could fucking touch me yet.” Before I could refrain, my hands were bound above my head, and my pants were pooled on the floor. “Now, if you need me to stop, say ‘red,’ and I will.”  
“Viktor … what are you-” my breathing stopped, and my heart raced, his finger putting the slightest amount of pressure on my clit. His grip tightened around my throat cutting my words off as my eyes fluttered closed.   
“Don’t make a fucking sound.” I nodded, a whimper leaving me. “Pathetic. You can’t even listen to simple instructions. But do tell me, do you still think, darling, that you can assert any form of dominance over me?” His finger grazed down me, thrusting a finger in. “Tell me. Can you?” My eyes flew open, meeting his as he hovered over me, our lips centimeters apart.   
I couldn’t answer. The pleasure shot through my spine giving me the need to arch. My eyes rolled back as his fingers stilled their movement. “Damn. You.” My chest heaved, and my spine collapsed as red kissing the edges of my vision. My hips bucked against his hand pleading for any sort of friction, but his hand moved away, depleting my cries of need. He scoffed seeing me squirm and silently beg with my eyes. I could tell he enjoyed seeing me like this; submitting to him, begging for mercy and needing him to give me anything.   
“Tell me. Now.” His rings dug into my skin marking me as his.  
Shaking my head, “no,” was my only answer. I knew I couldn’t - ever - because this was Viktor. The only person who knew how to make me fall at my knees and beg for anything. The only one who could say anything he wanted to me yet make me understand it was all ‘spur the moment.’ Nothing serious.   
His grip shifted from my throat to the nape of my neck, tugging the roots and pulling my head back, exposing the unmarked side of my neck. His lips latched onto my skin, leaving not a spot untouched, his fingers resuming their treacherous work. I struggled against the restraints on my wrist needing to feel him closer than he already was. His teeth grazed the under part of my jaw, the pain flowing into a soft wave of pleasure. My thoughts disintegrated - the pressure of his body on mine and the feeling of him claiming me as his. The way his hand silhouetted my throat, a puzzle piece to another, fitting together and wanting nothing more than to stay there, but mostly the way his fingers curved into me, hitting that spot until my vision swam in and out of focus, no thoughts left, and only the feeling of him.  
“Fuck, you’re tight.” His voice was a low growl in my ear, causing me to tensen, my thighs squeezing around him. Pressure built in the base of my spine, a tingling star-like feeling coursing through my hips down my thighs. My walls fluttered around him, trying to draw in deeper.   
“Vik- fuck … Viktor I’m-” My back arched off the mattress, my head thrown into the pillows, and eyes rolling back. The only thing I could feel was his breath on my chest, and his fingers fucking me relentlessly.  
“You don’t fucking cum until I tell you to.” His hand left my throat and lifted my leg over his shoulder, the angle sending wave after wave of pleasure and need of release. His hand clamped around the base of my thigh, forcing me to stay steady, his knee holding my opposite thigh down, pressing it into the silken sheets. Tears streamed down my face, my body demanding for some sign he’d give me what I needed.   
My self-restraint was wearing off, as the euphoric pressure was seconds away from barreling through my body. His grip on my thighs faltered as they shook violently against his body, “Vik-tor I can’t … I need- fuck.” Mascara stained my face, as his fingers withdrew from me withholding my need for a climax. “What the fuck, Viktor.” I seethed, looking up at him, kneeling between my legs, his smirk only grew wider forcing me to hold his eye contact.   
“If you wanted it, you could’ve just asked,” he stated, leaning over me letting my wrists go and helped me sit up and lean against the headboard. He forced his body against mine, helping me wrap my legs around his waist. He braced his arms on either side of my head leaning close enough to the point where I could smell the huskiness of his cologne. “Now tell me. What exactly do you want?” I could feel his hips dig into mine. I leaned towards him grasping the hem of his shirt and ripped it clean down the middle, sweat beading on his collar bone and abdomen. I placed a reverent kiss along the base of his shoulder, feeling him shake under my lips at the subtle touch, slipping his belt off from where it rested.  
“What I want, more than anything, is for you to take me as I am and make me yours.” 

Viktor~  
“What I want, more than anything, is for you to take me as I am and make me yours.”   
Those words alone were enough to make me undone. The way her voice spoke unevenly yet with purpose, the way she was confident but never wanted to assert it on anyone. Seeing her like this, her lips on my skin - burning and aching for her - caused my self-restraint to snap completely. I pushed away from her, forcing her by the jaw to look at me as I removed any clothing I had on, lifted her around my hips, and slammed her against the wall: a hand behind her head protecting her from the impact. My breath was a pant, our foreheads pressing against each other’s, “fuck, I need you.”  
“He hands lifted mine, allowing me to look in her eyes once more, “then have me, Viktor, for I am yours and yours only.” That’s all I need. That final piece and without a warning, I pushed into her completely, holding her head to my neck as if I could drown out the sound of her cries.   
My vocal cords shook and trembled, a breath between my every word, “are you okay?” I felt her arms wrap around my neck and lace into my hair holding on to me as if it were the only thing keeping her world from shattering behind her eyes. Her nod was my response as I ever so slowly moved within her: feeling her walls hug me begging me to go deeper. I let go of her head and braced my hand behind hers, crushing her body between mine and the wall. Her head fell back with her eyes closed and looking angelic. Perspiration allowed her marks to gleam, the shadows of the room making her all the more tempting. Her moans and pleads for me to go deeper and give her more sang in my ears and laced my brain with an intoxicating sound.  
“Viktor I can’t-”  
I grasped her hips, digging the pads of my fingers into her. “I know, love, I know.” My body shook against hers, giving every inch of myself I could offer. I could feel her flutter around me, her release deadly close.   
“Love, do it. Now.”

Narrator~  
“Love, do it. Now.” Viktor’s words rang in her ears as nails carved lines in his back. He groaned in her neck, the pain transferring to pleasure giving him more the reason and motivation to fuck her senseless, as her release barreled through finally. Her body convulsed and shook violently, drawn out by Viktor’s movements never ceasing within her. She could feel his thrusts spasm and become erratic, giving her a sign that he too, was close.  
Breathing normally, her high ending, she pulled him closer, wrapping her legs around his waist. She wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, her palm massaging his muscles as he threw his head back with a moan and released within her. She buried her head in his neck holding his to hers. She listened to his pulse against his neck as their breaths synced to a normal rhythm. Their bodies molded together as one, their minds not thinking and their mouths only able to speak each other’s names like a prayer.  
Their desperate breaths ceased, as Viktor carried her body into the shower, leaning her against the wall and turning the water on to a scolding temperature, seating himself behind her embracing her in a backwards hug letting her head fall back on his chest letting the water run down both of them. Their eyes closed, savoring the presence of one another in the stolen moment they had.   
“Are you alright, my dear?” Viktor asked, his hands massaging her hip and abdomen. Her muscles relaxing under his touch.   
“I’m breathing, I’m somewhat moving, and I’m my heart is beating. I’ll be okay. Are you?” She turned her head, voice raspy, as a crooked smile kissed her lips and he nodded in response.   
He bowed his head to meet hers, “but the question is, will you be able to walk?” His eyebrow cocked and a haughty laugh left his chest. She turned slowly, giving the saying, “if only looks could kill,” to life. Her hand met his chest in a soft manner, causing him to chuckle softly instead. She maneuvered in his embrace, laying on her side, catching her head so it lay in the crook of his elbow comfortably.   
“One word, Viktor. One word about my ability to move or speak and I will end your pathetic life.”   
“Oh, but Jordeyn, you won’t be able to. You can’t move, remember?” She rolled her eyes in a joking manner, “yes. I was also able to make you do that.”   
She stared at him for a moment, cupping his jaw and looking into his soul. Neither of them took the other seriously as the couple’s laughter filled the silent bathroom.


End file.
